Smiles from Heaven

Well I am totally exhausted, but I really wanted to take a minute to share about the visitation tonight.

God is just so good. I was really anxious to see Kristin and what she would look like. One of the things that always bothered me, was that she could never close her mouth. Because of the damage from birth and the fact that she couldn't swallow or use her mouth, it just never formed right. It always hung open and her poor little mouth was so awful looking with swollen huge gums and nasty teeth etc. When I would kiss her, I always had to kiss one little lip at a time. And of course her smiles didn't look like we would think of a smile. But they were so precious and uplifting to us.

The funeral home called us Wednesday after they got her there. They said they needed to do a procedure to close her mouth - so they needed us to come sign a paper, giving our permission. I was so relieved because I always wanted to see her with her mouth closed. But I have to admit I was a little nervous about how she would look. I knew it would be so different.


When we got there today and went in, it was a beautiful sight. The room was such a perfect setting for her, with so many special treasures our family and friends had sent. But the best part was seeing her, for the first time, more like she would have looked. She looked so big and grown up.

Mothers love to dress their little girls up and I'm no exception. Little girl clothes and accessories are so fun to shop for. But I could never fully enjoy that because there were so many things she could not wear. We had to pick out things that didn't cover her trach and didn't interfere with her feeding tube or diapers. And with the styles today, that is no easy task. The little girls clothes are molded from the women's clothes. Showing the midriff doesn't work well with feeding tubes and diapers. :)

But our last shopping trip for her was different from the rest. I was looking for something to hide her tracheotomy this time. Her bright pink, crew neck sweater and button up blouse made her look so grown up. And for the very first time, she got to wear big girl panties. No more diapers! It was awesome. Her hair was all curled and the top pulled back with a big pink bow. Of course, they had to put quite a bit of make-up on her, and it made her look so grown up. She just looked like a precious doll. She was truely beautiful.

But the most special thing was a gift from God. When I would turn to look at her with someone who came up to the casket, I could see her smile. The first time it happened, I had to blink because I couldn't believe my eyes. But it continued to happen all night long. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so real and alive. As we would talk about her being in heaven with Jesus and I would see that smile, I knew it was a confirmation. It was as if she were saying, "Oh Mommy, I'm so happy here. Just like you always wanted me to be."

I just know that she has been running and skipping and singing and hopping, and every so often, she runs into Jesus' arms and gives Him a hug. Then she's back off playing some more. God is so good. We could definitely feel the power of prayer tonight. I just can't express it in words, but we felt so much strength and love from all the people that came and all the hugs we got. Just know that God is at work and He is answering all those prayers. We just really feel blessed.