Living for Christ

In Memory of Johnny

2008-10-14T10:05:00.003-04:00

The unbelievable had happened - every parent's worst nightmare. One of Dustin's pledge brothers in the Delta Tau Delta house was found dead last weekend. Alcohol poisoning is suspected. When Dustin called to tell me, I felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. "NO! It can't be!!" my heart screamed. As he went on to describe what had happned, I felt sick.

The mom in me started lecturing Dustin about the dangers of alcohol. "Nothing good comes from drinking" "Young people want to act like it's normal and everyone does it - but it's a destroyer, I told him!! Probably not what he needed to hear but this is my fear in sending him out on his own. One bad choice can be costly - in this case the highest cost of all - a precious life.

Johnny had come to Indiana on a scholastic scholarship from clear out west - Tucsan AZ to be exact. He and Dustin had started out as roommates so I had been fortunate to know him from our visits to Wabash College.

My heart goes out to the Smith family and to the Wabash community - especially the men of Delta Tau Delta. None of their lives will ever be the same. Johnny touched alot of lives in a short time. He was well liked and will me greatly missed.

Only God can heal the pain and give us strength to go on. In Romans 8:28, one of my favorite verses, He gives us the promise of using all things for the good of those who love Him. Times like these it's hard to imagine good from tragedy. But we must not put limits on God's goodness.

Father, please wrap your loving arms around the Smith family and all those who loved Johnny. We are grieving Lord - we do not understand. His life was too short and he never got to accomplish his dreams. His parents will never get to see him graduate with the degree he hoped for. They will never get to see him marry and have children of his own. His brother will never get to share those things that meant the most to him - those special times between brothers. His pledge brothers will never get to hear him sing or call him "dump truck Johhny" again. We only have the memories and the images that are forever written on our hearts. Lord - please give strength, peace and hope to those who mourn. And give us patience to see the good only You can bring from tragedy. Let Johnny know he is loved beyond Words. IN Jesus Name - Amen

Adjusting Fine

2008-09-15T13:39:00.003-04:00

I cannot believe it's been so long since I last posted on here. So much has happened in that time! The biggest change in my life is the "Empty Nest" change. My son graduated from high school in May and is now living a couple hrs away at college.

I shed so many tears during his senior year and thru the summer. So many "lasts" as he finished his football season, basketball season, track season etc. But the good news is - there are so many "Firsts" to begin. He chose a great college, Wabash, ranked 12th in the nation and we couldn't be more excited for him. Of course. I miss him terribly and can't begin to imagine how he grew up so fast. But I am mostly very proud and excited for him. Nothing stays the same, and of course I would not want him to live at home and be dependent on us forever - but moving into the next phase of life is always unfamiliar and uncertain. It is hard to not worry when I know he will be faced with so many decisions and pressures; things of the world that want first place in his mind and heart. The one thing that gets me thru each day is knowing God has a wonderful plan for Dustin's life. A plan to prosper him and not to harm him. Plans for a hope and a future. So, as I finish praying for him each morning, and night, and in the night, I have peace knowing that my God loves Dustin even more than I do and is aware of every single thing taking place in his life. He knows where he is leading him and he knows how to get him there. My role has changed. I'm still his mom, and always will be. But instead of cooking for him and doing his laundry and making sure he has his homework done and gets to bed on time etc - I must pray. I must pray and trust God. And so I will...I do.

God Speaking

2008-01-15T09:07:00.000-05:00

I have a new favorite song that God led me to find on Saturday. It's one of those songs that you are drawn to and love from the first note. The melody is beautiful but the real message and meaning is in the lyrics. Isn't it funny how someone can write a song that echoes the thoughts of others so perfectly. This song does that for me. It says what I have learned and believe from the bottom of my heart.

God Speaking
By Ronnie Freeman

Have you ever heard a love song that set your spirit free?
Have you ever watched a sunrise and felt you could not breathe?
What if it's Him?
What if it's God speaking?

Have you ever cried a tear that you could not explain?
Have you ever met a stranger who already knew your name?
What if it's Him?
What if it's God speaking?

Who knows how He'll get a hold of us?
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to
To tell us, “ I love you.”

Have you ever lost a loved one who you thought should still be here?
Do you know what it feels like to be tangled up in fear?
What if He's somehow involved?
What if He's speaking through it all?

Who knows how He'll get a hold of us?
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to
To tell us, “ I love you.”

His ways are higher. His ways are better.
Though sometimes strange,
What could be stranger - than God in a manger?

Who knows how He'll get a hold of us?
Get our attention to prove He is enough
Who knows how He’ll get a hold of you?
Get your attention to prove He is enough.
He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to
To tell us, “ I love you.”

God is speaking, “I love you.”

When I listen to this song it makes me think of so many things. I think of the time I sat in church and cried for the first time and couldn't explain why but just felt God's presence so much and knew I was supposed to be there right then. (April 1988) I think of all the other times I am moved by something and cry and can't explain why but I feel close to God right then. It's God's Spirit touching me and opening my heart to His presence. It's also proof that He is making my heart more tender and loving, like His.

I think about how He used the birth of Kristin and all her disabilities to draw me to Him. It was the hardest thing I ever went through but it caused me to search for God and for the meaning in it all. That is what caused me to get in His Word and study and learn Who He is - the best thing I have ever done.

God does use the unexpected to draw us to Him. He works in ways we could never predict to open our eyes and ears so we can see and hear Him. He does it this way so we will know it is Him.

My favorite line, "What could be stranger than God in a manger?" It makes me think about the people of that time and how they reacted. Even though many knew the prophesies about the Messiah - they didn't even recognize when He had arrived. Why? Because God did it in a way that was meek and humble. A way they did not expect. How many times has God been at work in my life and I didn't recognize Him? How many times do I have my ears shut when He whispers, "I love you"?

Father, thank you for this song. Thank you for Ronnie Freeman who wrote it and for Mandisa who sings it so beautifully. Thank you for the talents you have blessed them with and the way You touch others thru those talents and draw them to Yourself. Lord, forgive me for the times I miss what you are doing because I am expecting something so unlike You. Forgive me for my selfishness and how I get caught up in things of this world and lose my focus of You. I praise You for how you have worked through unexpected circumstances in my life to show yourself to me; to prove over and over that you are all I need. You are an amazing God who works in strange ways that are always what I need. Thank you for loving me so much. Thank you for coming into this world - in a stable - and leaving on a cross, so that I could know You - know Your love, grace, mercy and forgivness. Thank You for speaking to me...to us all. Amen

Job 37:2-5
Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice, to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.
He unleashes his lightning beneath the whole heaven and sends it to the ends of the earth.
After that comes the sound of his roar; he thunders with his majestic voice. When his voice resounds, he holds nothing back.
God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.

To listen to this song go to http://www.myspace.com/mandisa

Looking At The Heart

2007-06-27T12:51:00.000-04:00

Today I started a new Beth Moore study called, "David, 90 Days With a Heart Like His". The passage that stood out to me today was 1 Samuel 16:7, "But the Lord said to Samuel "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." I must admit, I often judge by the outward appearance. Even though I know and believe with my whole heart this is wrong, I find myself forming opinions by the appearance of others.

In this study I was encouraged to think of when I have felt intimidated, less than someone else. Haven't we all had these feelings? Isn't it because we tend to size others up and view them by the standards the world has set upon us? The world says women should all strive to keep looking young. We should fight those wrinkles, Only young and attractive people are desirable. Men are encouraged to keep their hair, have muscles, drive nice vehicles. The requirements go on and on.

But God does not look at the things men look at....the Lord looks at the heart. So isn't that how we should learn to look at others too? This brought to mind my daughter Kristin. It always bothered me that throughout her short 10 1/2 years of life, she was treated differently because of being judged by her outward appearance. She was different than "normal" children. She was puffy, her mouth hung open, her teeth were odd shaped and miscolored. She had a tracheotomy and often had secretions spewing from it. She couldn't hold her head up by herself - she didn't have much tracking motion with her eyes and she couldn't respond to activities normally at all. I will never forget something one of the nurses said to us when Kristin was still in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit. We had inquired about something and she didn't know the answer to. She went on to explain that she wasn't that familiar with Kristin because she usually took care of certain other babies. But that day some other nurses had arrived before her and were able to "choose" who they wanted to care for and she got who was left. I don't think she really realized all that she revealed to us in the statement, but it cut deep and still hurts today.

I was thinking about that today and realized that is just one more lesson God allowed me to learn thru Kristin's precious life. Then it made me realize that maybe I didn't learn it very well after all. I realized I'm much too worried about what others think and that must come from how I judge others.

Lord, forgive me for looking at outward appearances and judging by the world's standards. Help me to see thru your eyes and to reach out in love. Let my heart reflect that of Jesus. May others feel accepted and welcomed because of how I respond to and treat them. May I have a heart like David, that is chasing after you. Thru Jesus I pray, Amen

Superbowl Champs!!

2007-02-05T11:50:00.000-05:00

Excited! Thrilled! Elated! Joy! Relief! Satisfaction! These are just a few of the emotions I have been feeling since the end of the Superbowl victory last night. And what a game it was. There was no lack of excitement from beginning to end, with the conclusion I have dreamed of since 1995.

I admit I have only been a Colts fan since 1995. That was the year I began taking a real interest in the game of football and especially the NFL team called the Indianapolis Colts. That was the fall my daughter was in Riley hospital and my husband and I would watch the games from her hospital room.

I have a unique and special husband. He has so much patience with people and it's because of him that I was able to learn enough about football to love and appreciate the game. As we sat in the hospital rooms watching the games, I could ask him questions about what was going on and he would always explain in ways I could understand.

Those were the days of Harbaugh and Siragusa and they had a great year almost making it to the Superbowl. After that season, I was hooked. My love and passion for the game has grown each year since. The fact that my son started playing youth football in 1998 and is now a junior in high school and still playing and my husband being the offensive coordinator for our high school team has added to my passion.

I have had many good reasons to love and support the Colts through the years. They have put together a team of great guys starting with the owner Jim Irsay taking over after his father's death in 1997, to obtaining RB Marvin Harrison in 1996, QB Peyton Manning in 1998 and coach Tony Dungy in 2002. We have had sad moments of losing great players to other teams and exciting moments of adding new members that have really brought success - such as this year's additions of kicker Adam Vinatieri and RB rookie Joseph Addai. But the men who stand out the most to me and the ultimate reason I love this team so much is the many men of faith we have representing our city and the NFL.

Tony Dungy has had so many opportunities to live his faith before our nation and show how Jesus makes a difference in his life. My heart broke with him and his family last year as they had to deal with the unexpectant death of their son, James. It was such a blow - a devastation that they were able to accept because of faith. I have had the opportunity to read about the faith of Dallas Clark, Hunter Smith, Jeff Saturday, Tarik Glenn, Ben Utecht, and others who use their fame to witness to others. To me, that is what makes them champions. They have the "it's not about me, it's about Him" attitudes.

God bless all of you. You inspire me and give me the real reason to cheer - "Go Colts!!"

Superbowl XLI

2007-02-04T07:33:00.000-05:00

Being a Colts fan, I have been on a high the past two weeks. Being a Christian, I have also been on a high the last two weeks. The history being made goes beyond anything I've ever seen in my years. I believe it goes beyond anything the human eye can see at all.

Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith are the first black coaches to go to the superbowl. That is amazing and unbelievable to me. The fact that skin color makes a difference in the eyes of humanity at all has always been quite unbelievable to me. I am thankful that God created us all different and yet loves us all the same. Each one of us is created in His image to live the plan He has for our lives. Which brings me to my next point.

These two coaches have a strong faith in Jesus Christ. I have had the privelage of hearing them confess it over and over on national TV all week. Their faith is the very essence of who they are. I got an email yesterday that shows a full page ad that was run in USA Today. Tony Dungy is quoted as saying, "The inspiration for my coaching model comes from Jesus himself." And Lovie Smith is quoted saying, "At a young age I called on God to help me. I have leaned on him ever since." Underneath their pictures and these quotes there is another quote which reads, "On Sunday one of us will be a world champion. We may have reached the ultimate goal for a football coach, but we know there is more to life than football. Even when you have achieved the ultimate, something better lies beyond. As pro football coaches, we are also men of faith. A faith that drives us ever day to seek excellence. A faith that comforts us even in the worst of times. A faith that assures us that when we are walking the sideline, we are walking with God. We would love to tell you more. Visit www. BeyondTheUltimate.org for stories and videos from real people who have discovered that there's more to life than just living."

Wow, these men are such great men of faith. It has truly been a blessing for me to hear them interviewed and to hear the responses from the media all week. There has been nothing but good feedback from every single one of them. These two men are different,-they live their faith and because of that God is being glorified. Oh that does my heart good.

Oh Lord, how you bless my heart. Thank you for Tony and Lovie and the faith you have given them. Thank you for putting them in the position to witness to the world. I pray your protection over them Father. May you be their armor to protect them from every evil that satan throws at them. I know he wants to see them fall - he would like nothing better than ruining their testimonies. But you Lord have promised to never let us be tempted beyond what we can bear and always giving us a way out. May they be in Your Word each day, putting on Your full armor to take their stand against the devil's schemes. May their faith continue to grow stronger and their lives shine strong to draw masses to You. Thank you Father, for your Son Jesus. Thank you for sending Him to die in our place. Your love, mercy and grace are beyond anything we can ever understand and completely beyond our deserving. We stand amazed at Who You are. May our lives be used by You and for You. Through the precious name of Jesus I pray - Amen.

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matt. 5:16

A Year Ago

2006-11-09T08:48:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe that a year ago today we were holding our precious daughter as she went to be with Jesus. So many emotions - so many memories. But so much to be thankful for. Yes, we miss her every day, but we would not want her to be back here with us - that would be selfish. We just look forward to being with her - to being with the Lord. I love to imagine what her life is like now. I know my thoughts don't come close to how wonderful it really is. I know Jesus prepared a very special place. One thing I wonder about often, is how much she knows about us. I struggle sometimes with earthly thoughts. We often hear how she is looking over us now. But I don't really think that is true. I think some things are limited only for God to do. We know from scripture that when we go to be with the Lord there is no more sadness or tears and I just don't see how you could look down here and not be sad. But possibly God allows her glimpses. I often pray for God to tell her things from me and to give her hugs and kisses from me. Of course I don't know if he allows this - but I know his ways are perfect. I don't have to know all the answers, because I know enough to be at peace. I know God's love is perfect and I know she is with him. I know she is whole and that she isn't suffering anymore. I know I don't have to worry about her and that I will be with her again. I so look forward to getting my first hug and kiss from her and hearing "I love you mommy" for the very first time. I never experienced those things in her 10 years of life, but that's ok too because God's thoughts and ways are higher than ours and what he allows is what we need. I will close with one of my favorite songs from Watermark called Glory Baby:

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Lives Forever Changed

2006-10-01T07:36:00.000-04:00

Tragedy struck yesterday morning when a woman pulled out in front of my son Dustin as he was headed into football practice. He slammed on his brakes, but was unable to stop. She was killed, probably instantly. Please keep her family and ours in your prayers. This woman also happens to be the step grandmother of one of Dustin's best friends who's mother is also one of my best friends. We can't of course understand why Dustin was able to walk away uninjured while her life came to an abrupt end, but we are trusting God for good in the midst of heartache and pain. Life can change in the blink of an eye - and that sure forces a perspective change (once again). We are praising God that my daily (& urgent) prayers of safety were answered for Dustin. I know God's angels were there surrounding his truck and his body.

Dustin had a day with many of his buddies by his side. (including the friend who's related to this woman) Also we are so thankful that her 5 children came to tell Dustin not to blame himself - he could not avoid the accident. That helped and we are blessed because of their forgiving hearts.

A friend said that she wonders if God has a special calling on Dustin's life because of all he has been thru in his young life. I continue to search for the meaning in all that occurs in our lives. Many things we don't understand but that doesn't change what we know to be true. God is always good; He never leaves us nor forsakes us; His ways and thoughts are bigger than ours; And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Rom 8:28

Thank you for your prayers as we go thru these next few days and weeks. Please keep Ruth's family in your prayers as well. This is the third wife her husband has lost. (the other two to cancer) All her children are grown and married with children - there are five of them and I don't know how many grandchildren.

Dustin is a very quiet person, not expressing himself much. I am praying he will get his thoughts and feelings out so he can deal with them. I am praying most of all that he is letting his thoughts and feelings flow out to God. Our dear friend and minister came to talk with him last night. Dustin's friend, who's grandmother it was, was with us too. He helped him think thru the feelings he might be having and even got him to answer some questions. We are thankful for the ways we have already seen God's hand in this. May this draw Dustin closer and closer to the Lord and may God be glorified in the process.

I Love Football!

2006-09-11T10:40:00.000-04:00

Well we had a full and fun weekend. I am once again enjoying my son's high school football season. He is a Junior at a 1A small school. It doesn't seem possible that he could only have two years of high school left! He plays wide-receiver and is the holder for the kicker. He plays some defense too - same position on the field as wide receiver on offense, but I forget what that's called. Anyway, they are having a pretty good season so far. They won their first game 62-18 and their second 69-14. They got stomped the 3rd game 55-0. We actually scored twice but penalties cancelled out our scores. Our local newspaper have three guys who predict all the local game winners and all three chose us to lose this week. (which really ticked me off!!) But we showed them, we won 41-7.:)

On a sad note, one of our best athletes, and a good friend of my son's, broke both bones in his lower leg, on the first play of the game. His name is Tanner. Please keep him in your prayers for a full recovery that allows him to compete in the Spring Track season and his senior year of football. He's a great kid.

I think our boys were motivated by Tanner's misfortune and being chosen to lose, so they played their hearts out. They each signed the game ball and took it to Tanner after the game. That is one of the great things about high school sports. The camaraderie among teamates is priceless.

Sunday, we celebrated the 175th anniversary of our church. We joined our two morning services into one and it was packed! I got to give a testimony of how our church had made an eternal difference in my life. It was good to think back over the years and see how God never gave up on me. He took the seeds that were planted in me as a child and continued to water and care for until they bloomed into a strong faith in Christ. We then had a big picture taken with everyone there. Now that was a trick to get everyone positioned to see all the faces. Then we enjoyed a meal outside under a big tent and time to socialize before returning inside the church for a concert by the Oak Forest Boys. It was a great time.

Then we went over to my ex-husband's house for his daughter's 8th b-day. I am so thankful and blessed that we can be one big family for my son and his sister. It is a rare and great thing!

And the grand finale of my weekend was - Manning vs Manning! I have been looking forward to that game for months. And it ended just as I had hoped - Colts 26 - Giants 21. Our defense didn't look very strong, but hopefully they will be working on that this week. I was pleased with what I saw out of Rhodes and Addai. They both did alright.

Well it was a full and fun weekend. Thank you Lord for all the fun and blessings.

Happy Birthday Mom

2006-08-25T23:11:00.000-04:00

Hey - I forgot to say that today is my mom's birthday. Happy birthday Mom! I know she won't read this because she doesn't have a computer - but when I read my post and saw the date - it reminded me and I had to share with you. But if someday, she happens to read this - I love you Mom!!

Still Alive & Kicking

2006-08-25T22:55:00.000-04:00

Hello Everyone!
Yes, I'm still alive and kicking. I don't know why I haven't written anything on here for so long. Life's been busy and full.

The summer went way too fast and now the guys are back to school. We did get to take a vacation in July. We went out to CA to visit my biological family. For those of you who don't know, I was adopted as a tiny baby (21 days old) and had a wonderful life. Yet, I always wondered about where I came from, who I looked like and what my family history was. So, in 1988 I searched and found the answers to my questions. I found my biological mother, a sister and two brothers. I also found many aunts, uncles and cousins. My birth mom and siblings, and an aunt, cousins and nieces and nephews - all live out in CA. I had been there twice before, but the last time was 16 years ago.

We had a great time! It's never long enough. I got to see everyone and spend some great quality time together, just hanging out. I also got to know my neices and nephews - some of whom I had never seen in person. They are all great and beautiful and fun and.....Three of them, twin nieces and a nephew, are Kristin's age - so that was special too. This was only the second time we have all been together at one time - so it was a very memorable time.

As I said, the guys are back in school - so that means it's football season. I love football!! As a matter of fact, I just got home from our second game, which we won. 69-14!! WooHoo! We won last week 62-18 - so we are off to a great start. Next week is when the season gets tougher though.

The Lord is still teaching me - I have a lot to learn. I did a Beth Moore Bible study over the summer and that was great too. Right now I am doing a couple different studies - one on "End Times" - for our Sunday School class, and the other one is called, "Fully Devoted - Living each day in Jesus' name". It's really good.

Well, just wanted to check in and say hi. Everyone has probably given up on me and there's probably no one left to read this. But if someone happens to drop by - thanks. I'll hopefully be back more often. God Bless.

Happy Birthday Kristin!!

2006-04-22T07:50:00.000-04:00

Well today would have been my baby girl's 11th b-day. It's weird because with each birthday she had I always wondered if it would be her last. Now I know. But I mainly want to think about how this birthday is her best one yet. She may be eating cake and opening presents for the first time. Of course, I doubt those things go on in heaven, but who knows. The only thing I know for sure is that she's at rest with Jesus, having no more pain or suffering. And I'm sure she knows what love is and how great it is. She knows all about Jesus and how perfect everything is because of Him. I think she knows how much her dad and I love Jesus and how much her life helped our faith to be stronger. And I feel sure she knows how much we love and miss her because I tell God to let her know that all the time and how much we look forward to being together again someday soon, for eternity.

Happy Birthday sweet Kristin. I'm sure everyday in heaven is a celebration, but today we are celebrating you and how much you mean to us. Our lives are richer and better because of you. We love more, we feel more and we know God more, because of you. We miss you and love you more than any words could ever describe. You are our precious gift from God. We miss being able to see you and hold you and kiss you, but we are at peace knowing our separation is temporary. You have already achieved what we are longing for.

Love,
Mommy & Daddy
(Big Brother too)

2006-04-02T15:46:00.000-04:00

Our minister has been leading us on a study thru the book of Job. This morning he opened his lesson with the question, "If God told you He would grant any one prayer request, what would you ask for? Now this is not like rubbing a lamp where a Genie appears, this is God wanting to know, what are your priorities?" (paraphrased)

As he was asking the question, my first thought was Kristin and asking to have her back here, healthy and whole. But I quickly changed my mind because she is already healthy and whole and I will be with her someday for eternity. Then I thought of my father who has been paralyzed for 34 years and whose health is deteriorating. But again I thought about how his disability is temporary also and his body will work again someday, in eternity. As much as I'd like to have Kristin with me now and experience having her healthy and whole, and being able to see my dad walk and get around with ease, those things are temporary problems.

My husband said he immediately thought of asking for understanding about Kristin and why she had to live like she did. But then he thought about the song we played at her funeral by Mercy Me called Homesick. There is a verse that says, "Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same Cause I'm still here so far away from home" Mark said he realized that if God ever gave us a glimpse into heaven, we wouldn't ever be content to stay here.

As I pondered about what I would ask God if he told me he would grant me any one request it would have to be for the salvation of those who don't know Him. Even though I can think of many people who are struggling either physically, mentally or emotionally or financially, all of those things are temporary. The only thing that will matter forever, is where we go when we die.

In John 14:14 Jesus says, "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." So what does it mean to ask "in his name"? It means to want what Jesus wants. To agree with His plan and will for our lives. God will not grant anything contrary to His nature or will. If we are truly seeking God, then our requests will be in line with what He wants.

Lord, you have told us in your Word that we can ask for anything in your name and you will do it. May I always want what You want. May eternity be my only focus. Help me to stay on your path of truth and help me to lead others to follow You too. Sometimes I question what I should say or do, but I am trusting you to show me those things. Please open the eyes of those who are not living for You. May they hear You calling and answer, Here I am Lord. Thru Jesus I pray, Amen.

Forgiveness

2006-03-21T09:37:00.000-05:00

A little over a month ago, I received an email that said "A Voice From the Past". I recognized the name as being an old classmate that I went to school with from grades 7th-12th. As I opened and began reading he confirmed that this was indeed my classmate from so long ago. (We graduated 22 years ago)

He told me how his sister had forwarded him an email and he got the link to my blog and had been reading about me and my daughter. He told me about his own belief in Jesus and becoming a Christian in 1985. As I was thoroughly enjoying this unexpected letter, what he said next touched my heart in an unexpectant way. He wrote, "And now, I want to ask you one thing. I was not very nice to you in high school. I talked about you, saying many mean, hurtful things, and I only did it because I thought you hated me. High school was not very easy for me, socially. I was kind of an outcast, and I blamed part of that on you. I know I was wrong, but I was also immature. I should never have said things about you, regardless. So, I ask you to please forgive me. I know I can’t take back or change the past, but just like Jesus’ blood wipes away my sins forever, your forgiveness will erase a lot of hurt.

I hope you find time to ponder all this, and maybe send me a reply sometime. I pray that God will continue to bless you and your family, and draw you all closer to Him so you can serve Him and further His Kingdom."

With tears streaming down my face, I was humbled like never before. Oh the joy I felt in my heart knowing that this boy I had known from so long ago, had become a man of God and was my brother in Christ.

I hurried to write him back saying, "I absolutely forgive you. But you don't owe me an apology. I owe you one. Yes, I was nothing but a snob and a b_ _ _ _. Ooops, I'm not supposed to cuss, but the truth is the truth. I'm sure I had coming anything you might have said - so don't worry about it. I didn't hate you - I just didn't know you, and didn't really care to. I was too busy chasing all the wrong things and having nothing but regrets now because of it. But isn't it wonderful that God has brought us together again and we can love and appreciate each other now, because of Him. That's just so cool! I am sorry for not taking the time to get to know you, for not appreciating who you are, for not respecting you, for not being kind to you and for not making you feel valuable as a human being. I need to say that to so many people, but I'm glad you gave me the oppportunity to say it to you. Most of all, I'm glad we are family, brother and sister in Christ."

We have had the best time writing back and forth getting to know each other. It is so funny how two people who once couldn't stand each other now genuinely look forward to hearing from each other. But that is what Christ does. He totally changes our perspective on life, giving it new meaning and purpose. He takes those things we thought were important and shows us why they aren't. How seeking what the world says brings pleasure really results in regret and guilt. But seeking the Lord brings eternal value, meaning and truth to our lives.

Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. Jesus Christ died in our place to offer us forgiveness of our sin. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Rom 3:23-24

Thank you Lord Jesus, for dieing in our place, and offering forgiveness for our sin. Thank you for a love so great that you were willing to endure more pain and suffering than we can even imagine in order that we might know You. Thank you for being our example and for changing our once hard hearts and molding them around you. Friendship is a special gift from you and I thank you for my special friend and brother in Christ, Bob. Bless him for reaching out in humility so that we could become friends. May you continue to live in and through us, that we may bring glory and honor to your Name. It's in Your Name I pray, Amen.

Lion

2006-03-17T17:07:00.000-05:00

Today I am posting a poem written by someone very special to me. She wrote this to prove her writing skills in trying out for the school newspaper. I was quite impressed and asked her permission to share it on my blog.

Lion

In a land, a far-off land,
Frozen in the grips of time,
Was born a Child, a lovely Child,
Who had a destiny divine.

For He would break the curse of Death,
And bring the dead to Life.

In that land, that distant land,
The Lion-child did grow.
And sooner than the others thought,
His wisdom, too, did show.

For He would break the curse of Death,
And bring the dead to Life.

The Boy was wise, so very wise,
And though His stature was low,
He could out debate His scholars;
He could out speak His greatest Foe.

For He would break the curse of Death,
And bring the dead to Life.

In thirty years, such long years,
The Lion left His home.
He left His people, He left His life,
And everything He called His own.

For He would break the curse of death,
And bring the dead to Life.

He showed signs, amazing signs,
To which no other could compare.
He also fought with Words of Truth,
To defeat the Serpent in his lair.

For He would break the curse of Death,
And bring the dead to Life.

Then came the time, the woeful time,
For the Man to finally die.
Upon a tree, a deadly tree,
He passed without a single cry.

For He would break the curse of Death,
And bring the dead to Life.

And in His tomb, that silent tomb,
His body once again inhaled.
The Man, alive, stepped outside,
Into the land where He’d be hailed.

For He reversed the curse of Death,
And brought the dead to Life.

By Danielle L.
Age 14

American Idol

2006-03-09T21:51:00.000-05:00

Well tonight was the first time this season that I was unhappy with the voting on American Idol. I did not want to see Gedeon voted off, he was awesome. I wanted to see Kevin go. It has been nice to see him do well, but I thought his talent has gotten him as far as it should. BUMMER! I think Gedeon is a Christian too. Him and Mandisa. Loved seeing her confront Simon several weeks ago. She did such a good job and said the right things.

My favorites are Chris, Katharine, Ace, Lisa, Paris, Mandisa, & Taylor. I also like Bucky & Kellie. Fun group this year.

Survivor is not as much so this year. Nobody has really clicked with me yet, but I do like how they keep coming up with new things to keep the show interesting. The whole "Exile Island" thing is a new twist.

Well, just wanted to talk a little TV with ya'll. You will have to let me know your favorites. I'm still waiting for my friend, Steve, to be on American Idol and show them what Christian rock is all about. :-)

Committed To Jesus

2006-03-06T22:22:00.000-05:00

Not long ago, I bought a DVD of a Christian comedian named Ken Davis. It is called, Super Sheep and in it Ken uses humor to explain why the Bible compares us to sheep. But the main point of his message is, we must be driven to a day by day, minute by minute commitment to Jesus because there is trouble in this world. I’d like to share with you my journey to having this kind of commitment to the Lord.

Jesus tells us in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” We know these words are true, not only because Jesus said them but because we hear news of trouble each and everyday. As we talk to others, while watching the news on TV or when we open our newspapers, we are bombarded with story after story of heartache and pain. Murders, war, disease, and death, the list goes on and on. These kinds of problems are not new, but sometimes we seem to think these things only happen to other people. When trouble strikes our own lives what is the first thing we think? “Why God, what have I done to deserve this heartache in my life?” I think we’ve all been there. I know I have. When I learned that my daughter, Kristin, was severely brain damaged from a difficult breech birth, I immediately wondered why God had allowed this tragedy in my life. What was He punishing me for? After all, I had just become a Christian a couple years before and was trying to get my life right. Why was He punishing me for the sins of my past, I wondered?

After Kristin was born, people used to tell me all the time, “Don’t worry, God won’t give you more than you can handle.” But it sure felt like more than I could handle. It felt like more than anyone should have to bear. The care of a baby the first year is exhausting in normal circumstances, but when you are caring for the needs of an infant with severe problems, the care and load is magnified. Kristin could not swallow, so she had to have a feeding tube inserted in her stomach and this is how she received all her feedings and medications. Because she couldn’t swallow, she also had a lot of respiratory problems which caused her to require frequent suctioning and breathing treatments. She ended up needing to have a tracheotomy when she was less than 3 months old. Because of high blood pressure and seizure activity she required several medications. And because of her Cerebral Palsy, she needed therapy each day to prevent her muscles from restricting and drawing up. Her room was filled with machines and equipment. It looked more like a hospital room than a nursery. And I felt more like a nurse than a mother.

We got some home nursing care for awhile but the hours they came into our home to care for her, I was working to keep my hair salon open. I was either working in the salon or taking care of Kristin. I couldn’t even get out and go to the grocery store very often, let alone have quality time with my 6 year old son and my husband. The only time I got a glimpse of a “normal” life was when she became sick and had to be admitted to the hospital and then we were driving back and forth to Indianapolis to visit and learn what changes needed to be made for her care. My life revolved around her schedule and there was very little time for anything else. I didn’t understand how God expected me to handle this load and I definitely didn’t see how He could help me.

After a few months our insurance began weaning our nursing care. Soon it became clear that we could not provide the care Kristin needed at home anymore. So after fifteen months, we came to the painful decision to place her in a skilled nursing facility. This is one of the hardest decisions my husband Mark and I ever had to make, but it became clear it was what was best for Kristin and our family. It was then that I became involved in a Bible study for the very first time.

The first study I did was the gospel of Mark. Right away I began reading about all kinds of trouble the people back then were having. I read about those who were sick with fevers, skin diseases, & paralysis. I read about the woman who had bled for twelve years, the man whose young daughter died, people who were demon-possessed. The troubles went on and on. Jesus traveled from place to place healing the sick and teaching in the villages. The people would flock to Jesus and listen to Him for hours. Some followed him for days. I saw people in need who were desperately looking for answers to life. I could relate to that.

I remember in another study later on, I read the words of James, which said, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I was so encouraged by this passage, because at first, I had thought God was punishing me or He had turned His back on me. But now I was beginning to understand that my troubles were proof that God was working in my life. It was all part of maturing me in the faith and helping me to depend on God. Before Kristin was born, I used to think the only thing missing from having a perfect life, was having a lot of money. How awesome it would be to not be in debt and to be able to buy the things I wanted, and buy nice things for others, I would often dream. But I have a vivid memory of my thoughts one day. This was about the time we first learned the extent of Kristin’s problems and were realizing what her life would be like. I thought, “No amount of money in the world can fix her brain damage. There is absolutely nothing we can do to make her well or change this situation.” It was such a complete sense of hopelessness. I wanted to shut the world out and make it all go away. I can look back now and see how that was a turning point for me. There was nothing humanly possible that could help, so I had to turn to the only one who could. I had been missing the most important thing, a day by day, minute by minute relationship with Christ. What a difference this has made in my life.

Another passage, that really proved God’s presence in my life was Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” The first couple years of Kristin’s life I sure didn’t see any good that could come from her disabilities and suffering. I would think, “You are wrong in this situation Lord. Nothing is good about my baby girl having to live her life like this. It’s not fair, no one deserves this!” But I later came to understand that the passage didn’t say everything is good, but that God promises to bring good from every circumstance. There is nothing He allows in our lives that He cannot use for our good. I think the second part of that verse is the key, “For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son.” He was molding me to be like Jesus. When we read the Bible we see how God uses trials to bring us closer to Him. Reading the Bible is essential in having a day by day, minute by minute commitment to the Lord. Our faith grows as we read about the lives of others and see how God worked in their lives.

In the 12th chapter of 2 Corinthians we read about Paul’s thorn in the flesh. He begged God to remove it but the answer he got was, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul goes on to say, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” At first we might be tempted to think Paul must be nuts. He delights in weaknesses, and hardships and persecutions? How can anyone delight in pain we wonder? But when things are going well, we tend to put our confidence in ourselves. We can forget God pretty quickly. But when we are weak, then we must depend on God’s strength to get us through. If we remember, this is how God got Paul’s attention to begin with. Paul, then called Saul, was a self-reliant man who thought he had it all together. He thought he was living for the Lord by killing Christians. God had to strike him blind to get his attention. It wasn’t until Paul was made weak that he stopped to listen to God. He went on to be one of the greatest Christians in the Bible. But it all started when trouble came into his life. He was forced to turn to God. Once he came to know the real God, he was content to live with hardships. It then became all about living for Christ. Paul began living a day by day, minute by minute life committed to Jesus.

I think my favorite story in the Bible is in the Old Testament, about Joseph. Now this guy endured hardships. He started out as the favorite son which caused him to be hated by his older brothers. Because of their jealousy he was sold for silver and taken to Egypt where he was sold again and became the possession of Potiphar. Because the Lord was with him, he found favor with Potiphar and he put him in charge of his household and all he owned. Things were looking good. But then, because he was a handsome man, he found favor with Potiphar’s wife and when he refused to be intimate with her he found himself falsely accused and thrown in jail. But once again, because the Lord was with him, he found favor in the eyes of the prison warden and was put in charge again. Eventually Joseph ended up in charge of Egypt and his brothers were at his mercy. Did Joseph ever lose sight of God and trusting that He was with him, working all these things for good? I think we find proof of the contrary when we read what he said to his brothers. “Do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you….God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God.” Joseph could have only grown to have this kind of faith, because he lived committed to the Lord, day by day, & minute by minute.

Reading about Joseph and Paul and all the other great people of faith can encourage us and help us grow in our own faith. But the best example we can find of living victorious through problems is Jesus himself. He was probably the most misunderstood person to ever live. He was doubted, accused, mocked, abandoned, beaten and crucified on a cross. But he never lost sight of the bigger plan and the eternal value to be gained from his suffering. In Matthew we read about Jesus’ baptism and then following that we read, “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.” His problems began immediately. But notice that Satan didn’t come to Him until he had fasted for 40 days and nights. He planned to attack Jesus when He was alone, weak and hungry. He even used God’s Word to do the tempting. But Jesus not only knew the scriptures Himself, He obeyed them, and because of this, He was able to resist those temptations. This immediately makes me think of 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” Our way out is a day by day, minute by minute commitment to the Lord.

In Mark chapter 14, we can find another example as we look toward the end of Jesus’ life. He had just finished having the last supper with his disciples when he took Peter, James and John away with him to pray. He explained to them how distressed he was and asked them to keep watch as he went off to pray alone. “Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will,“ he prayed. Jesus knew that he was about to endure excruciating pain and suffering, but he also knew following the plan of God was more important. He went back to find his friends had fallen asleep and he said to them, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Jesus shows us that prayer is essential in coming thru our struggles and overcoming temptation. We can see by looking at Jesus’ life that knowing God’s Word and time alone in prayer is how we are to have that day by day, minute by minute commitment.

Jesus tells us there will be trouble in this world, and we can see proof of it all around us. But He also says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I have had troubles in my life. My precious Kristin went home to be with the Lord on Nov 9th, 2005. She was ten years old. Life is hard and it hurts. But I am standing here to tell you, it is possible to come thru your troubles victorious. But we can’t do it in our own power. We need God’s Word and we need prayer. We need to be committed to a day by day, minute by minute relationship with Jesus. He gave His life so we could.

The Big 4-0

2006-01-13T15:14:00.000-05:00

Well today is the dreaded day. The day I leave the youth of my 30's and enter into a new decade of 40's. For a woman, turning 40 can be a big deal. It seems to emphasize the crinkles around the eyes and the drooping of the body parts. (we won't name any specifics) :) But since I've had a whole year, since I turned 39, to dread this birthday - I'm feeling pretty terrific today.

The funniest thing is, I can specifically remember when my parents were this age and how old I thought they were. Not so funny at all really because I don't feel old at all. It just goes to show how our perspectives change thru the years. But mostly I am again reminded of the many times my mother told me to not wish my life away. As we hear so often, time sure flies. I really have trouble believing I am 40 and have a son who is 16. It goes but in the blink of an eye.

I really loved what my perpetual calander said today. It seems so perfect for me:
"My life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily....
The dark threads are as needful
in the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned."

I could never have imagined where my life would take me, but I can truthfully say I am thankful for every situation God has allowed me to go thru. May the time I have left on this earth be spent living what I have learned during the 40 years I celebrate today. And what I have learned can be summed up by saying, my life is not my own, for I have a creator who crafted me for His very purpose. Every situation I have lived is part of the pattern that tailors me to be who He created me to be. It's not about what I want, but it's about finding out what He wants, and doing it. And what He wants is always so much better than anything I could ever desire or think of. The only way I can ever figure out what He wants, is to discover who He is. And the only way to do that, is to realize my need for a savior, invite Jesus to come into my life and allow Him to be Lord of my life. His Spirit teaches me each and everyday that I submit my will to His. Reading my Bible and spending private time in prayer is essential in maturing as a Christian. I cannot know God without reading His Word.

Thank you Father for 40 good years. I am most thankful for my Lord, my salvation, my family and my friends. Thank you for knowing exactly what I need and being the giver of every good and perfect gift. Thank you for teaching me that hard times are good and perfect too - when we trust You and lean not on our own understanding. May I continue to draw closer to You and live my life to glorify your name. In Jesus' name - Amen

A Journey of Faith

2006-01-12T14:59:00.000-05:00

We have been blessed to see God continue to work thru Kristin's life and ours. A few weeks ago, I wrote letters for three different newspapers to thank those who had reached out to us since Kristin's death. The editor in charge of the paper in Mark's hometown, sent a reply to my email, inquiring about Kristin and what had happened. We began corresponding back and forth, learning about each other, and she asked if she could run a feature about us in the paper. She did such a beautiful job relaying our story and how God worked thru all the heartache to draw us to Him. I wanted to share it will all my blogging friends.

Father, may all who read this, recognize your goodness and be drawn closer to you. For Jesus' glory - Amen.

http://bernetriweekly.com/weblog/2005/12/journey-of-faith.html

Why I Love the Colts

2006-01-04T18:57:00.000-05:00

One of the best presents I got for Christmas was tickets for my husband and I to go to the Indianapolis Colts game on New Year's Day. It was an awesome game to be at for a couple reasons. 1)It was a great way to start the year. 2) It was great to be there to welcome Coach Dungy back.

I have known for sometime that Coach Tony Dungy loves the Lord Jesus and have had the opportunity to hear him speak of his faith on TV and Christian radio. And my respect for him has grown over the last few years he has coached the Colts because he uses his publicity and fame to speak about his faith time and time again. I also see him live his faith.

When his son, James, took his life a couple days before Christmas, we were able to hear many people in the NFL speak out about Coach Dungy. Every single person remarked about his faith being strong and they knew that would get him thru this great tragedy. They also spoke of how he had touched their life and how much they respected him.

When Mark and I went to the game Sunday, first thing in the door the greeters handed us a little book and said it was a gift from Coach Dungy. I replied, "He is the one who lost a child and he's giving us gifts." But I have to tell you, it's what I read inside the book that impressed me the most. It is called, "Real People, Real Faith" (Seven Men/Seven Short Stories) It was put out by Athletes in Action and had accounts from Coach Dungy and six of his players about their Christian faith. I was so encouraged and inspired by what I read from each of these men. I was also enlightened why the Colts are having such success this year.

I was so pleased to know that Josh Williams, Jeff Saturday, Tarik Glenn, Dallas Clark, Hunter Smith and David Thornton are all believers in the Lord Jesus. I want to share with you a quote from Coach Dungy that I read in this book. "The inspiration for my coaching model comes from Jesus, Himself. He has taught me that my job is more than just showing my guys how to block and tackle. It's also about influence. I want to show both players and fans that being a Christian and being successful are not mutually exclusive. We tend to think head coaches have to be cutthroat, squeezing everything possible out of their players. I disaree. Players want to win. If I provide them with a good environment, show them how it's done, and encourage them, we're going to have a team-and a recored-that we can be proud of."

With leadership like that, how can they not be successful? God promises that when we live to glorify Him, He will bless us. That is all the more reason I want to see them have success this year.

New Year New Hope

2006-01-02T23:50:00.000-05:00

Well it's already January 2, 2006. It's hard to believe we are already six years into this 21st century. Remember Y2K and the buzz back when many thought the computers would crash when the year 2000 came around? SO many stocked up with food and water and emergency supplies. I didn't. My husband and I along with some friends went out and celebrated. We knew God would take care of everything. He always does.

So, a new year, a new hope. What will the year 2006 bring to us? What will we learn? What will we go thru? Who will we lose? It's probably a good thing the Lord doesn't show us the future. I'm conviced we couldn't handle it, but that's ok. He knows what we need and when.

I have made a New Year's resolution. Actually, I'm a little ashamed to admit it is one I have made before - and broke. But I resolve to try again. My desire is to read thru the Bible in a year. I have read lots of the Bible before and I've read thru the New Testament many times, but I've never read thru the whole thing. The devotional I use (In touch by Charles Stanley) has a schedule to use each day to read thru the Bible in a year so my plan is to follow that schedule.

Today I got started and read thru the first 11 chapters of Genesis. Ok, I admit the geneology part does not excite me too much - but never the less, there is much in those 11 chapters to learn and ponder. God created the heavens, the earth, the sky the water. He made light and darkness, plants and animals, stars and planets. He created man and then he created woman to be his helpmate. Right from the start, man screwed up and desired to go his own way, instead of listening to his creator. His desire to do it his own way lead to murder and so much wickedness that God was sorry he had created man at all. When I look at my own life, I have to admit I have given Him many reasons to feel the same way. But because God is love, he fixed what we could not. He continues to love us and desire an intimate relationship with each and every one of us - despite our past.

That is why I desire to read my Bible, from cover to cover, this year. I don't ever want to stop learning about my God. I know I can only learn, when I listen and when I trust. And reading how He has worked in the lives of others since the beginning of time, is a great way to learn and trust. May each of you do the same.

Father, give me a never dieing hunger to know you more and more. Show me how to live what I learn and how to share what I know. Thank you for a new year full of hope and possibilities. Through my Lord and Savior, Jesus, I pray - Amen.

The Birth of Christ

2005-12-24T09:47:00.000-05:00

Over 2,000 years ago, the virgin, Mary, gave birth to the savior of the world. As we gather with our families and friends this weekend, may we remember what it is we are celebrating. The only virgin birth; the only life without sin; the only death that brings life. All these prophesies fulfilled, and so many more.

Father, only you could create the perfect plan for salvation. As we celebrate Christmas, may our focus not be on the gifts we get, but on the gift you gave us over 2,000 years ago. I pray that our focus can be on Christ the King and his birth that forever changed the world. Thank you for such a precious gift - the gift that keeps giving, even though we are not worthy. Thank you Lord, for coming to us and showing Who God is and how to have eternal life. Thank you for your perfect love, your wonderful mercy and your precious grace. May the celebration in heaven and on earth bring glory to you on your birthday and always. Your name is precious - Amen.

Love & Prayers to the Dungy Family

2005-12-23T14:25:00.000-05:00

The news of Tony Dungy's son's death yesterday was such a shock. We have been big Indianapolis Colts fans for years and although I have never personally met Tony Dungy, I have such a deep respect and admiration for him because of his faith and conduct. I can only imagine what they are going through right now. May his faith, family, friends and the prayers of those who care, bring them peace, comfort and strength during this difficult time.

Time Moves On

2005-11-29T08:33:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe how quickly time is moving on. Tomorrow will be three weeks since Kristin went home. That seems unbelievable. I have not had any words to post lately. It feels like I am so far behind in everything and can't get caught up. The holidays are so busy anyway. I cannot seem to get motivated. I have not done the first bit of shopping or decorating. Would be nice to skip that part this year, and just focus on Jesus' birth.

I have to admit my days have been hard. Much harder than I ever could have imagined. I thought my days with Kristin were hard because it hurt to see her condition and her struggles and limitations. I had prayed for God to take her for 10 years, but could have never prepared myself for what life without her would really be like. I just miss her so much. So many reminders.

Yesterday as I walked thru Wal-Mart, I passed the girls clothing department. I have bought her so many things there. Recently I had seen some things I wanted to put in layaway for her Christmas. I got so sad as I walked by there yesterday and thought about not getting to buy her anymore clothes. As I was telling God how much it hurt, I immediately thought of how beautiful she must be clothed in heaven. I was able to smile thru the tears as I thanked God for my hope in knowing that what she now wore was so much more beautiful than anything I could buy her here on earth. Oh how I look forward to seeing what she wears now. I know she must sparkle.

I am thankful for the distractions, times to focus on other things. My son has had his first two basketball games. The season has gotten off to a pretty good start. We are also loving this NFL season. The Colts are 11-0. Talk about exciting!

Thank you for your continued prayers, for inquiring, for caring. I will try to be better about posting.

A Message of Hope

2005-11-15T15:35:00.000-05:00

This post is going to be pretty long, but I really wanted to share the message our minister gave at Kristin's funeral. Lord, may this message of hope, bless each person who reads it. Thru Jesus I pray, Amen.

This is a not a sad, doom & gloom, awful day. Kristin is gone, and part of Mark & Jodi’s heart is missing because she’s gone. But this is a day to glorify God, because Kristin is finally complete and whole.
When Kristin was born, everything started out as doom and gloom. Jodi’s dreams for her little girl – dressing her up, doing her hair, involving her in tap dance classes and cheerleading – all of that was lost. These losses hurt down deep. In the beginning, all the focus was on these losses.
There were joys. When Kristin was at home, Mark would hold her and let her snuggle in. She would finally relax and go to sleep. There were the times when Mark, Jodi, Dustin, Kristin’s nurse Caulvette and Kristin would all huddle together watching the Colts play football. Later, at the Nursing Home, Kristin progressed. With all of the wonderful people there caring for her, Kristin gained some. Her Teacher’s helped her so Kristin could listen to music and watch her TV. There were joys. But it has been a long road for Mark & Jodi to be able to see God’s glory shown through Kristin’s life.
Jodi commented that she was just a new Christian when Kristin was born. She hadn’t gotten into Scripture much. And her losses were really hard for her. She didn’t understand why God did this. What was she being punished for? As time went on, Mark and his family and close friends in the Church, would say things about Kristin that Jodi didn’t understand. “Even though I hurt,” Jodi said, “I knew down deep there had to be answers to my questions.”
One day early on when Kristin hadn’t been in the Nursing Home long, Mark’s brother Paul said to Jodi: “She’s such a blessing in your life.” This hurt Jodi; she thought, “You have no idea what it’s like. I don’t consider her a blessing.” Paul sensed Jodi’s hurt and said, “One day you will realize it.” “And now,” Jodi says, “that’s exactly what she is. I understand now.”
Things began to come together for her when Jodi started to read the Bible. The Bible said this life would not be easy. It said God would refine us. All of this spoke as evidence to Jodi that God was working in their lives through Kristin.
For example, the Bible says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Jesus said, “‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back & take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going. Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?’ Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
When people go to the Especially Kids Nursing Home – Kristin’s home away from home – they usually react saying, “How sad, how terrible it is.” And they find it hard to look at the residents there. Early on when Mark used to look at Kristin all he could see were her deformities, and it bothered him.
Mark said, “God is holy; we’re not. When God looks on us, he sees our deformities. Without Christ in us, God’s reaction to us would be, “How sad, how terrible it is.” But because of His love for us, God our Father looks past our imperfections as if they were not there. This insight helped Mark look at Kristin differently. He didn’t focus on her deformities. He didn’t focus on how terrible she looked. As her father, Mark looked on his beloved daughter. He looked for the twinge of a smile on her face.
Mark commented, “Satan tries to use things against us. He wants us to see the negative. He doesn’t want us to see what God sees. Because of Christ, when God looks on me, He doesn’t see my sins & failures; He sees His Son. How amazing this is!”
The Bible says, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Jodi said, “God allowed what happened to Kristin, and He used it for good. God didn’t cause it. It happened because we live in a fallen world. Sometimes God heals people & shows His glory that way. Other times, He doesn’t heal people. God knew He could show more of His glory by letting Kristin live 10 years. Without this, I would never have learned what I did. God used Kristin to give me a faith that I would not trade for anything.
“God can bring good out of the suffering of a fallen world. He used Kristin’s suffering, and He uses our suffering for good. It took me a long time to get to this point in my faith. When Kristin would get sick & struggle, when she had to be poked with needles, when she suffered convulsions, spasms, and contortions, I would ask, ‘Why?’ But what God witnessed when His own Son suffered for us was worse. God didn’t spare His Son.”
“Now,” Mark said, “Kristin is free. One of her favorite videos was Spirit. She liked the part where as a young horse, Spirit ran free in the wild. Now, she is finally free. When I see Kristin next, I will see her there in heaven. We will worship the Lord together. And I’m not going to remember her having a G-tube or a trachea tube. She will be perfect. I will see her enjoying her time with her Father and with her Savior. Right now, I see her anticipating when we will be with her. She is in eternity experiencing amazing things with Christ that we can’t imagine.”
Jodi pictures Kristin walking, talking, singing, & dancing! When the music in her videos and on her tape player started up, Kristin would kick her legs, her eyes would get big, she would swing her body. She loved to move! Kristin first began smiling when we moved her, like when we picked her up. Then she began to smile at her tickle me Elmo, at her dancing hamster, and at her Sesame Street guitar player. Jodi remembers rewinding the video ‘Cats and Dogs’ over and over to a specific part that made Kristin smile every time she heard it. And that was fun.
A couple of weeks ago, Jodi wrote, “I began a new Bible study called ‘Living Beyond Yourself.’ One day’s study was called ‘Crucified’ which explored characteristics of the Crucified Life. One of those characteristics is: You must accept that death is painful.
“As I read this, I instantly thought about Kristin and what my urgent plea and struggle has been. ‘Lord, please just take her and don’t allow her to suffer anymore.’ During these last weeks, I have endured watching her suffer, regress and raise many unanswerable questions. I just want God to take her peacefully and her to not suffer. But as I read the Scripture, I was so struck that I can't have it both ways. Death is pain and the pain, agony and suffering Jesus endured for me, was horrible for God the Father to watch too. He understands my pain. But I need to focus on God's Will and not my own. I have been so selfish saying in essence, ‘God, You take Kristin, but don't make her suffer. Do it my way, because I know best!’
“This brings me to the final characteristic: ‘Because He was forsaken, you never will be. To forsake means to quit, to abandon, to leave behind, to cease from. Because Jesus paid the penalty for all the sins of the world, God will never abandon Kristin. That is the one thing she will never have to endure as part of her suffering. She will be absent from the body, present with the Lord. It will be instantaneous. The hardest thing as a parent, is seeing your child suffer. We want to make their pain go away right now. We want to bear the pain for them. But most times, this is impossible. I have really questioned how much she would suffer, but now I see that that is exactly what God had to do. He had to watch his one and only Son suffer - so that we could live. I am going to have to see Kristin suffer, so that she can live, eternally with the only One who can take away her pain and suffering. I can't - He can... and will.”
God is gracious. Mark said, “When it was time for Kristin to go, God did answer our prayers. She was very quiet and calm on Wednesday, and she just slipped away.”
Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this? Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” In Kristin we have seen it.

Prayer - God, our Father, we thank You for Kristin. We thank You for what you have done for us through her. And I thank You, Lord, for what you did for Kristin through Mark and Jodi, through Dustin, through all of the staff at Especially Kids, and through her family and friends who loved her. Lord, You have shown that you can bring good even out of sorrow. Bring Your good again now. This we pray in Christ’s name. Amen.

Smiles from Heaven

2005-11-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

Well I am totally exhausted, but I really wanted to take a minute to share about the visitation tonight.

God is just so good. I was really anxious to see Kristin and what she would look like. One of the things that always bothered me, was that she could never close her mouth. Because of the damage from birth and the fact that she couldn't swallow or use her mouth, it just never formed right. It always hung open and her poor little mouth was so awful looking with swollen huge gums and nasty teeth etc. When I would kiss her, I always had to kiss one little lip at a time. And of course her smiles didn't look like we would think of a smile. But they were so precious and uplifting to us.

The funeral home called us Wednesday after they got her there. They said they needed to do a procedure to close her mouth - so they needed us to come sign a paper, giving our permission. I was so relieved because I always wanted to see her with her mouth closed. But I have to admit I was a little nervous about how she would look. I knew it would be so different.

When we got there today and went in, it was a beautiful sight. The room was such a perfect setting for her, with so many special treasures our family and friends had sent. But the best part was seeing her, for the first time, more like she would have looked. She looked so big and grown up.

Mothers love to dress their little girls up and I'm no exception. Little girl clothes and accessories are so fun to shop for. But I could never fully enjoy that because there were so many things she could not wear. We had to pick out things that didn't cover her trach and didn't interfere with her feeding tube or diapers. And with the styles today, that is no easy task. The little girls clothes are molded from the women's clothes. Showing the midriff doesn't work well with feeding tubes and diapers. :)

But our last shopping trip for her was different from the rest. I was looking for something to hide her tracheotomy this time. Her bright pink, crew neck sweater and button up blouse made her look so grown up. And for the very first time, she got to wear big girl panties. No more diapers! It was awesome. Her hair was all curled and the top pulled back with a big pink bow. Of course, they had to put quite a bit of make-up on her, and it made her look so grown up. She just looked like a precious doll. She was truely beautiful.

But the most special thing was a gift from God. When I would turn to look at her with someone who came up to the casket, I could see her smile. The first time it happened, I had to blink because I couldn't believe my eyes. But it continued to happen all night long. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so real and alive. As we would talk about her being in heaven with Jesus and I would see that smile, I knew it was a confirmation. It was as if she were saying, "Oh Mommy, I'm so happy here. Just like you always wanted me to be."

I just know that she has been running and skipping and singing and hopping, and every so often, she runs into Jesus' arms and gives Him a hug. Then she's back off playing some more. God is so good. We could definitely feel the power of prayer tonight. I just can't express it in words, but we felt so much strength and love from all the people that came and all the hugs we got. Just know that God is at work and He is answering all those prayers. We just really feel blessed.

Dancing in Heaven

2005-11-09T20:55:00.000-05:00

Today was the day. Oh how many times I have wondered, when Lord? Now I know. April 22,1995-November 9, 2005. We got to have 10 years with our baby girl on this earth. I can only imagine what it was like when she went from here to her eternal home. All I know for sure is that she is whole now. She can walk, talk, eat, run, play and sing. And I know she will love to dance because she could never hold still when the music was on. I know she is no longer stiff or spastic. Her mouth can open and close and I know she has the most beautiful teeth now.

My best thought came shortly after she died, while she was still in my arms. It has been so hard all these years to not know if she recognized me or knew I was her mom. I wanted so bad for her to feel my love and to know how much I loved her. While I was holding her and looking down at her worn little empty body, I pictured her sitting on Jesus' lap, feeling His perfect love and looking down at me holding her and realizing the love of her mother.

I know the best is yet to come. I cannot express how much I look forward to our reunion in Heaven. But right now I am content knowing she is with my Lord and Savior and he has touched her and made her whole.

Another special thing about today is, that it is the same day the Lord took my step-father two years ago. I need to finish that story one day soon but I can't think it coincidence that they left here on the same day.

The Lord continues to teach me and lead me thru circumstances that allow my faith to grow. I do trust Him with all my heart and definitely can't lean upon my own understanding. I have learned to look for His purposes and trust that He does work all things for my good.

Father, you alone are good and perfect and true. Thank you for continueing to give me proof of that. Thank you for the special privelage of being Kristin's mom. Oh how you've changed me because of her. It hurt so bad sometimes but I know it was necessary. I cannot even express right now, all the things I feel and think, but that's the awesome thing about you, Father, You already know. I am so thankful that we know Kristin is safe with you and that our time apart is short compared to eternity. Over 2000 years ago, you watched your Son suffer and die, but you had a purpose and a plan. I know Kristin's life is within that plan also, and I praise You for that. I might question, but I will never doubt your good, pleasing and perfect will. Thru Jesus I pray - Amen

COLTS 8-0 !!!!!!!!

2005-11-08T08:23:00.000-05:00

How many of you watched the game last night? How many of you are smiling this morning? I know I am. :) Indianapolis Colts 40 - New England Patriots 21. Pretty, wasn't it?

My love for football began 10 short seasons ago. All it took was having someone to explain the game to me because my lack of enthusiasm was a result of simply not understanding what the heck was going on. That person is my patient husband, Mark. Remember, he's the one who coaches high school football and talks football in his sleep. (I love you, honey!)

Ok, back to the game. How about that first possession last night? What a catch, Marv!! Of course, Brady/Branch came right back with an answer. Then Peyton goes to "The Edge" and the Colts were up 14-7. Then there were those back to back turnovers, which landed the Colts another 7 points, making it 21-7 at the half.

The Colts took their time in the 3rd quarter, patiently driving the ball down the field and finally letting Dominic Rhodes run 4yds to score. But the Patriots come right back with a 31 yd pass from Brady to Daniel Graham to make the score 21-14. To close the 3rd quarter and open the 4th, Mike Vanderjagt made back to back field goals, kicking 35 yds and 20 yds to add 6 more to the score. The two teams then exchanged one more touchdown each, Troy Brown, receiving a 19 yd pass and the Colts, Harrison catching Manning's 30 yarder.

Yes, Dennis, the Colts made it over that hump. I have a good feeling that this could be their year to make it all the way. But as Coach Dungy keeps stressing, we are a long way from the playoffs and we'll take it one game at a time.

I have to give the Tom Brady and the Patriots credit. They didn't make excuses for their defeat. As Tom simply put it, "We got our butts kicked." I have respect a man who's humble & honest.

I think I can hear Peyton saying, "Thank you, thank you very much."

Prayers For Maggie's Family

2005-10-28T07:45:00.000-05:00

I just found out that precious little Maggie Mae went to be with Jesus. Please visit her website and pray for her family. http://www.curemaggie.com/index.html

TOUCHDOWN!!

2005-10-22T19:36:00.000-05:00

Hey Everybody,

Just wanted to brag a little. Last night was the first game of the football sectional. We lost to the team that won the sectional last yr 42-20. Obviously that is not what I wanted to brag about. My son made his first touchdown for the varsity. It was a proud moment for this mother. :) It made sitting in the rain, under an umbrella, my rain poncho, winter coat, two pair of gloves, two ear warmers, two pairs of socks, two pairs of gloves, a turtleneck, sweatshirt and jeans, much more worth it!! Of course, it would have been worth it anyway (just not quite as enjoyable).

but we still have Sundays and the NFL. GOOOOOOO COLTS!!!!!!!

In Your Time Lord

2005-10-21T08:42:00.000-05:00

Well, we had just gone to the nursing home and had a care-plan meeting for Kristin yesterday to tell them our wishes if she has another episode. We do not want to do any life-sustaining measures if it happens again. Kristin was doing well yesterday. I got a call about 5:00 pm that she had started again - high heart rate, diaphoretic etc. My husband and I went. She finally calmed down and fell asleep about 11:00. IF things run true to the other two times, today will be the biggie. We don't know what is ahead or what the Lord has planned thru all this. Please just pray that she will not have to linger and suffer indefinitley.

I have met another Christian brother who lives in FL and has his own blog. Please visit there and read his post from yesterday. He has really honored our family with this post and for that I am forever grateful.

http://www.moralscienceclub.blogspot.com/

God's Revelation

2005-10-16T15:02:00.000-05:00

I am totally blown away by what God has shown me today. After church, the worship leader came up to give me a hug. She told me she understood what I was going thru with Kristin because of what she went thru with her disabled child 27 years ago. I knew she had lost a baby who had some problems, but I never knew any of the details. She shared with me and allowed me to ask questions. Although our children had different problems, they went thru some of the same things. She was honest with me about his death and what he and they had to go thru. It was just what I needed to hear. She answered some questions that no one else has been able to.

But the best part of His revelation came just moments ago as I was completing my Bible study time. I have began a new study by Beth Moore called "Living Beyond Yourself - Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit". Today's study was called "Crucified" and focused on Galatians chapter 2. Beth uses many scripture references to help gain the full meaning. She talked about and explored 10 characteristics of the Crucified Life.

1. Few will understand. (Matt. 26:36-46)
2. You must abandon your own will and your own agenda. (Heb. 12:2; 1 Cor. 2:9-10 Matt 26:56)
3. Your intimate spiritual companions will be few. (Matt 26: 36-39)
4. Intense times of aloneness with God are required. (Matt 26: 57-67: 1 Pet 3:15-16)
5. You will be constantly on the witness stand. (Heb. 13:12-14)
6. You must go "outside the camp". (Matt. 27:27-31)
7. There will be times when your dignity is forfeited. (Matt. 27:32-44)
8. You must forego your rights. (Matt 27:34,48; Heb. 2:9)
9. You must accept that death is painful. (John 20:1-18)
10. Because He was forsaken, you never will be.

As I read #9, I instantly thought about Kristin and what my urgent plea and struggle has been. "Lord please just take her and don't allow her to suffer anymore." During these last 6 weeks, I have endured watching her suffer, regress and raise many unanswerable questions. The last few days, I have especially questioned how much medical intervention is right anymore. If she continues to have these "episodes" should we continue to put her on the ventilator and give her the medications to keep her blood pressure up? "It is not like we are getting her well", I recently told my husband, "it is just getting her thru until the next time." I have talked to so many people trying to understand how much she will have to suffer if we don't choose to aid her in these ways anymore. I just want God to take her peacefully and her to not suffer. But as I read John 20 1-18, I was so struck by Jesus' words to Mary as she realized finally Who He was. "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God'". vs. 17

WOW - it suddenly hit me that I can't have it both ways. Death is pain and the pain, agony and suffering Jesus endured for me, was horrible for God the Father to watch too. He understands my pain. But I need to focus on God's Will and not my own. I have been so selfish saying in essence, "God, You take Kristin, but don't make her suffer. Do it my way, cause I know best!" Which brings me to #10.

Because He was forsaken, you never will be. Forsake: (N) To quit, abandon, leave behind, cease from.

When Jesus had taken on the full load of our sin he cried out to the Father, "My God, why have you forsaken me?" My Bible commentary explains this passage so well. (Jesus was not questioning God; he was quoting fhe first line of Psalm 22 - a deep expression of the anguish he felt when he took on the sins of the world, which caused him to be separated from his Father. This was what Jesus dreaded as he prayed to God in the garden to take the cup from him (Matt 26:39) The physical agony was horrible, but even worse was the period of spiritual separation from God. Jesus suffered this double death so that we would never have to experience eternal separation from God.)

So, because Jesus paid the penalty for all the sins of the world, God will never abandon Kristin. That is the one thing she will never have to endure as part of her suffering. She will be absent from the body, present with the Lord. It will be instantaneous.

The hardest thing as a parent, is seeing your child suffer. We want to make their pain go away right now. We want to bear the pain for them. But most times, this is impossible. I have really questioned how much she would suffer if we withheld medical intervention, but now I see that that is exactly what God had to do. He had to watch his one and only Son suffer - so that we could live. I am going to have to see Kristin suffer, so that she can live, eternally with the only One who can take away her pain and suffering. I can't - He can... and will.

Thank you Father, for speaking to my heart today. Thank you for answering my urgent plea for wisdom. Only when I seek You, can I find peace. Only when I seek You, can I gain wisdom. Only when I seek You, can I know You and Your Will for my life. Pain does not mean You are not there - I see You now, more than ever. May Kristin's life bring glory to You.

Tuesday Update

2005-10-11T15:04:00.000-05:00

Today they moved Kristin out of ICU. She is completely off the oxygen, vent and Dopamine and doing well.

I finally got to talk to her developmental Dr. today. He is the one Dr. she has that has been with her since birth. He said there is one thing preventing him from thinking these episodes are autonomic storms and that is her blood pressure dropping. He said that usually during a storm, the blood pressure is high, not low. He said low pressure is indication of dehydration or just how the body reacts to illness. He said he really didn't have any answers for me. He really couldn't find the cause of her problems. Well, I guess we will just have to wait and see if she has any more problems. I am thankful that I finally got to talk to this Dr. and know what she doesn't have.

I got to do some of my Bible study while at the hospital today and yesterday. God's Word is so awesome. I love how it ties together from book to book and we can never learn all there is to know, but time in the Word is never wasted. Nothing is more interesting to me. As I read and study, I am constantly amazed at the work of the Holy Spirit. I have stated, more than once, that what I believe has not come thru being taught by man, but by the teaching of the Holy Spirit thru study of the Scriptures. Today, as I was reading in Galatians, I read Paul's words that said the same thing. "I want you to know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up. I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather, I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ." Galatians 1:11-12 My heart cries out - yes Lord, you are so good to open our eyes and help us see You.

Monday Update

2005-10-10T21:33:00.000-05:00

Today they got Kristin weened off the ventilator, oxygen and dopamine. I'm sure she will move out of intensive care tomorrow. One of the cultures they did, from her trach secretions on Fri morning, finally grew something today. The Dr. who was caring for her today (it was his first day to work at this hospital) is convinced that it is this infection that caused all her problems. My husband and I are not so sure. If it took three days to grow something, it was not a very strong infection and her symptoms were extreme. I again brought up about the autonomic storming and why I was interested in investigating it, so he agreed to get Neurology involved. I thought they already were involved but nothing is ever sure since we went thru the weekend and Dr.s change from weekend to weekday. It gets so frustrating.

The good news is, she is coughing good again and her eyes seem to be better. She has not been as jerky - but she is having near constant spasms in her hands,arms and legs. She is very calm and docile - which is very unusual for her. They had her on the dopamine until today to keep her blood pressure up, so we are watching to see if her behavior changes now that she's off of it.

Please pray that tomorrow I can talk with her neurologist and developmental Dr.s and pray for clear answers. My concern is that they will again rule this an infection, send her back to the nursing home and then she will have another episode down the road because something else is behind these problems. It just seems there are some questions that need answering. Thank you for your prayers. We are blessed because of them.

Update

2005-10-08T14:26:00.000-05:00

Life has kinda been like riding a roller coaster the last couple of days. Just when I think things are going good, they turn bad.

After Wednesday night's trip to the ER, I called and talked to the nurse in the morning and she reported Kristin was fine. Then I called and talked to her teacher to find out more about the details of her day on Wednesday. I also called the hospital to talk to Kristin's developmental Dr. and see if he thought she needed to be seen. I have questioned whether she can see at all or not and just had many questions as to what is going on with her. The Dr's assistant called me back and she let me tell her all that has been going on. She asked some questions and then started telling me about a disorder called, "autonomic storming". It is something found in a small percentage of patients with brain injuries. She described it as being a reaction to the autonimic nervous system which controls our breathing, body temperature, heart rate, etc. So these storming episodes occur when the autonomic nervous system loses control and causes a massive discharge of neuro transmitters, such as adrenaline to be released from the CNS. It can cause reactions such as, elevated temperatures, profuse sweating, increased heart rate, high respiratory rate, agitation, increased spasticity and large pupils. The more she talked it seemed we finally had a diagnosis. She said she would talk to the developmental and neurology Doctors and coordinate an appointment for us to talk to them. I felt relief that someone could finally tell me what the problem was.

About 3 hours later, the nursing home called to say they were sending Kristin to the ER because she was having some very severe symptoms. Her heart rate was very low, her respiratory rate very high and her oxygen saturations were low. To make a very long story short - she is again admitted in the hospital with almost identical symptoms to a month ago. This time though, her heart rate continued extremely high for a very extended period. I have mentioned the "storming" many times to every Dr. who is caring for her, but they have to run all the tests and treat the symptoms she is exibiting. Of course, once again, they are focused on finding and fighting the "infection" she has. It is so very exhausting to tell the story over and over and over and over and try to get them to understand why I think she is having the autonomic storming and not an infection. Time will tell. I hate that this has happened both times right before the weekend, because nothing much gets done over the weekend.

I just made copies of three different articles from the internet about this condition so I can try to learn more. I know it is not a good thing and I fear what is ahead for her. There is a battle inside of me as I fight to keep my emotions in check. I do not doubt that God has a plan and that His timing is perfect. But I still struggle with seeing my child suffer so. I begged Him all night to let her heart wear out and stop. Her heart rate was between 185-200+ for over 12 hours. I don't know how she can take that. And that is only a small part of what she went through. The scripture I was led to today was Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Thanks Susan!) Please keep us in your prayers and I will post updates as I can.

Back to the Emergency Room

2005-10-06T11:45:00.000-05:00

Well, just when I thought things were going so good, I had to get the dreaded phone call. One of the nurses who regularly cares for Kristin called yesterday about 3:30 to tell me that she was acting like she was the day before she ended up in the hospital the last time. Her teachers took her back to her room around 2:00 and said she was not acting right and it reminded them of how she acted the last time. The respiratory therapist said she was not moving air thru the lower lobe of her right lung so they did a breathing treatment. She said it helped but she still acted aggitated. She was flushed, diaphoretic and moving in an aggitated way. They faxed the Dr. and she wanted her sent out to the Children's hospital to be evaluated.

I got to the nursing home before she was sent out and observed her eyes hugely dilated. Her head was fixed to the right and her left arm was swatting and fighting constantly. When the EMT's got there, I took off because with having to park in the parking garage it takes me longer to get in the hospital. I ended up stopping to grab a sandwhich and then got delayed in traffic and still beat her there, which I thought was very odd. When they got there and led me back, I found her clothes off and blood all over her shirt. THis alarmed me and I questioned it and the EMT told me she had a full blown seizure in the ambulance ride there. He had tried to put in an access line (not realizing she has a port) and with all her seizure activity, it ripped out. I questioned what he meant by her having a seizure and he described a locked arm, full convulsion episode. He said he was very surpised as he has never witnessed her doing this. I was totally shocked because she didn't seem that aggitated when they left.

She seemed to be more aggitated in the ER, with her eyes still very dilated and her jerky, swatting arm continueing. They could not get her blood pressure because she was so tense. After a couple hours of that, I decided to try to reposition her. I rolled her onto her left side and noticed an immediate change in her heart rate and respirations. She seemed to calm immediately. I rubbed her back and brushed thru her hair with my fingers and she really calmed. She even looked sleepy. There was a lot of activity in other rooms so it took quite awhile before they came back into check on her. By this time she was back onto her back and more aggitated. They again tried her blood pressure with no success. I told them to observe something and I rolled her on her side. Again she calmed right down and they were able to get her blood pressure with no problem. She finally fell asleep. The best part of watching her sleep was getting to see some smiles. She still has not smiled or cried since her last illness - so my heart melted to see her do it involuntarily.

Anyway, they did bloodwork and a urine culture, which all checked out fine. Since they couldn't find anything wrong, they sent her back about 1:45 am. I got to bed about 3:15 this am. Another long, frustrating night in the ER - with still no answers.

I continue to not understand the why's but I tried to find good anyway. I prayed on the way there of all the reasons to be thankful. I found several. And while waiting in the ER, I observed two families who seemed to have some pretty serious problems, so I prayed for them. God, I don't know what you are doing, but I am trusting in your ways and timing.

The Fieldtrip

2005-10-05T07:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went on a fieldtrip with my daughter, Kristin. We went to a place called Appleworks. It is an orchard, but they have other things too. It is a beautiful setting out in the country. They have a wooded area with picnic tables and several fun settings for pictures. They also have a wood dock/gazebo area, down on the water and a pretty waterfall. Best of all, they have a nice store where you can buy apples and other food items. This is our second time to go there.

I was a little concerned that an outing might be too much for Kristin, but she seemed to tolerate it well. When I got to the nursing home, she looked really good. Her eyes seemed better. Although she really wasn't focusing in on anything, they were not dilated and she was moving them around. I bought her a real cute corduroy skort and coordinating top, so she went in style. :)

Although she still has not smiled or cried, she seems to be getting back to her old self in some ways. She was coughing better yesterday, so that gives me hope. The weather was beautiful - unusually hot for October. I must admit I was pleasantly surprised because the day turned out better than I had expected. If I could only figure out how to post pictures I could share some with you.

Awesome Weekend!

2005-10-01T18:21:00.000-05:00

Gosh, I guess it's been awhile since I posted anything. Is time going fast or what?! It is already October. Soon the trees will be beautiful here. It's after that I don't look forward to - WINTER!!

Many of you have inquired about my precious daughter, Kristin. She is doing ok. Her illness has had lasting affects, unfortunately. She continues to have problems with her eyes, in that it appears she is not focusing. We question whether she can see at all - as her eyes continue to be dilated and nonresponsive. It seems to me she is aware when I am there, but does not try to look at me or anything else. She has not smiled since before she got sick, nor has she cried. So her dancing hamster and videos no longer seem to be a source of enjoyment for her. Another thing we are concerned with is how she doesn't seem to cough much now. She has a lot of respiratory problems with a very productive secretion output thru her trach. She requires frequent suctioning, but used to cough well and help bring stuff up. Now this is very minimal. That is not a good thing. She has had a couple rashes that we can't explain. THe first was a breakout on her face and the second on her back. She was put on an antibiotic Friday for a possible throat problem. Some thought they saw blisters on one side of her throat and others didn't see anything. The Dr. only comes to the center on Wednesdays and they found this problem on Thurs. The Dr. prescribled the medicine without seeing her. We just keep hoping and praying she will smile and focus again, soon. Thank you again, for your concern.

Last weekend was awesome for me. Saturday evening, I had the blessing of hearing Mitch McVicker and friends at a local church concert. I did not previously know who Mitch was but am glad I do now. He was with Rich Mullens in the car accident that took his life, back in 1997 (I think) Mitch was severly injured in this accident and had to totally learn to talk, walk, eat etc. again. Mitch has amazing talent and a strong faith that encourages all who see him perform. Performing with him and by themselves were Sammy Horner, Brad Layher and Joe Curet. First to take the stage was Sammy. He is from Ireland and I enjoyed his accent and his humor very much. Next was Brad who has an amazing voice and stage prescence. He's pretty easy on the eyes too. :) Then Joe took his seat at the drums and they all combined their talents to put on one amazing show. I didn't want it to end. Soooo, I bought a DVD of Mitch (which includes Brad, Joe and Jeff Weiss) and a CD of Brad. They are really great guys living to bless others thru the talents God has showerd them with. And that was just Saturday. :)

Sunday, I had the thrill of going to the Indianapolis Colts game with my wonderful friend, Cindy. I never miss a Colts game but there is nothing like being there in person. We had a blast! They beat the Cleveland Browns 13-6!! We then went on to enjoy the evening by a fantastic dinner at Carabba's (where we had a very interesting conversation with our Lebanese waiter about faith and cultures) and fellowship. Her husband, Bob got to join us for that. I ended up staying all night with them and having a really nice little get away.

Well, that's about it for now. Please take the time to visit Mitch's website and read his biography. He is a precious brother in Christ.

Kristin Is Out of the Hospital

2005-09-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

She got to leave the hospital around 4:00 this afternoon and go back to the nursing home. It is good to have her back in her familiar environment and to not have to make those long trips anymore.

I am still concerned about her rigidness and lack of eye focus and tracking. Her eyes continue to be dilated also. I am hoping with more time out of bed and up in her wheelchair, and time in general, that she might get back what she has lost. I just want her to enjoy life and be able to smile and respond to things she likes again. I would also love to see her little body relax and stop jerking so much.

I always seem to find songs that speak to me and today was no different. It is such good therapy for me to turn up a favorite CD and spend time praising God. Today's CD of choice was Jeremy Camp's "Restored". He has a song called "MY Desire" that really hit home with me today. I just want so badly for God to use my life to help others find Him.

My Desire

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind

You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the king

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by you

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
And I know my heart is to feel you near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will

All my life I have seen
Where you've take me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen

There's not much I can do to repay all you've done
So I give my hands to use

That is my prayer. Amen

Life is Hard but God is Good

2005-09-10T22:04:00.000-05:00

I got to go see Kristin today. It was an emotional time for me. When I got there, she was in bed looking away from me. She is really favoring holding her head to the right side. Her eyes were big and dilated. When I started talking to her, I could tell she heard me, but she does not turn and look at me. I loved on her awhile and then decided I wanted to hold her. I had to do some rearranging, but I finally got her on my lap while sitting in a chair with lots of pillows. Her eyes seemed to calm, but her body won't quit moving and jerking. The jerking is different from how it was a few days ago - more like spasticity now. It was hard to hold her like this because she is so big. I turned her around so she was sitting on my lap because I wanted to see what she would do with her head. She got locked into the same position she does in bed if I let her rest back against me - so I held her away from me and tried to get her to work on head control a little. Then I decided to get her up in her wheelchair and see how that went. She sat in it for about an hour and a half and tolerated it fine. But she continued to keep her head mostly to the right and locked back. Her eyes were still big and dilated. I put her movie, "Spirit" in and played her dancing hamster a couple times. She is not tracking or smiling at all. I continue to fear that she has more brain damage and is possibly blind. I cannot be with her without getting emotional. Oh how I hope this is a temporary state for her and that she will again smile and respond to people and things.

I was thinking about all that's happened this last week and how hard it is to know what is right. When Terri Schiavo was disconnected from her feeding tube and starved to death, I was outraged beyond words. I thought it was so wrong for the law to allow that to happen. It was nothing short of starving that poor woman to death. Very inhumane and totally unbelievable. No one would look at her (or Kristin) and not think, "I would never want to live like that." BUT - it has to be God's decision when we die. He is the creator of life and therefore only He has the authority to decide when each life ends.

With that being said, I still struggle with the boundaries between medical intervention and God's intervention. We have Kristin on a "no code" status, meaning that if her heart ever stops beating they are not to give her CPR to start it again. When she got to Riley hospital last week, we were asked by the doctors what our wishes were concerning this. Just how much or how little assistance did we want given to her. In the past she has been put on a ventilater a few times to give assistance until she can breathe more comfortably on her own. She was never been on it for more than two or three days at a time. Just enough to take the stress off her body while she fights off and illness and can breathe easily on her own again. But last Thursday, she quit breathing and the EMT's were doing it for her with the ambu bag (for probably 30 minutes or so) until they put her on the vent. So the next day, after she was breathing on her own again, one of the doctors at the hospital asked us if she quit breathing again, if we wanted them to assist her or not. I really struggle with this question. If they didn't do anything, how long would it take for her to die? Is there a chance she would start breathing again on her own? Would it be wrong to not assist her? Would she suffer if she wasn't assisted?

Sometimes it is hard for me to decide what is right in God's eyes on this matter. I would never want to do anything to "kill" my daughter or to allow her to suffer - but I also do not want to do anything to prolong her life especially when she might be worse off than before. Oh Lord, show me what is right. Show me what is Your will for Kristin. Please give us clear direction on this.

I heard a song on the way to the hospital that really expresses how I feel right now. It is called Life is hard (God is Good) by Pam Thum

You turn the key
Then close the door behind you
Drop your bags on the floor
You reach for the light
But there's darkness deep inside
And you can't take it anymore

'Cause sometimes living takes the life out of you
And sometimes living is all you can do

Life is hard, the world is cold
We're barely young and then we're old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good

You start to cry
'Cause you've been strong for so long
And that's not how you feel
You try to pray
But there's nothing left to say
So you just quietly kneel

In the silence of all that you face
God will give you His mercy and grace

Jesus never said
It was an easy road to travel
He only said that you would never be alone
So when your last thread of hope
Begins to come unraveled
Don't give up. He walks beside you
On this journey home and He knows

Life is hard, the world is cold
We're barely young and then we're old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good

God's Grace

2005-09-08T22:27:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day I have not been to see Kristin in the last week. My heart was with her so much - I thought of her all day. It seems she got thru another day without any fever. But still, I don't know how she is really doing without seeing her.

But something tremendous happened today. God wrapped his loving arms around me thru the many correspondances of love I received. I received comments on my blog and emails from others today that really ministered to my soul. I was just reminded of how down I was yesterday and how much I was dreading today because of a heavy work load (I worked from 9:00am-7:30pm) and not being able to see Kristin. Then I suddenly realized how God worked thru so many people to encourage me and give me a smile on my face again. I got several phone calls from people in our church, had many caring customers who expressed their concern and got several emails from others who wanted to remind me they were praying. God is so good.

Father, please forgive me for the times I take my eyes off you and focus on my situation thru human eyes. You do so many things that I don't even notice. I'm so sorry for that Lord. Help me to be more aware of You in every situation. Help me to be more thankful and less doubting. I know you are in control of Kristin's illness. I'm sorry I get impatient - and demanding for answers. Allow my faith to grow and to trust in your ways and timing.

Lord, I so want Kristin to go be with you. But I know I am selfish and tend to think I know better than you. It is hard to see her struggle inside a body that doesn't work when I know she could be whole and complete with you in heaven. I know I focus too much on my pain - the pain of not having a daughter who can play and run and laugh. But most of all not being able to hear her say "mommy" or "I love you". Not being able to get good night kisses or hugs or hear her voice. It hurts so much sometimes I think I will die. But never do I doubt that you are God and your ways and thoughts are higher than mine. I know I only see but a portion. Thank you for the hope I have that eternity will be perfect and that is where Kristin and I will get to share our time together. Help me to focus on what you want me to do - your perfect will for my life and hers.

Thank you Lord, that today you showed me your love thru friends and strangers. Thank you for answering the prayers that have been sent on our behalf and strengthening my faith and my spirit. You are so good - words cannot describe your love and grace. Well, actually I guess one word can - JESUS. Thank you Lord Jesus for being alive in the world and sharing your spirit as proof. Because of you - I pray - Amen.

Wednesday's Update (On Thursday)

2005-09-08T07:54:00.000-05:00

Well yesterday was an emotional roller coaster for me. I think mostly I'm just tired and stressed. When I got to the hospital, she was sleeping so peacefully. The nurse came in and said they were not going to re-do the CT scan because they were able to see something on the one they tried Tuesday. She said the Dr would be in to talk to me.

I waited for several hours and finally the Dr came in and said the CT scan showed her sinuses looked fine and they waiting to compare the head part to a previous scan but that would be tomorrow (today) because the old scan was kept in another building. She expected that to be fine too.

The Neurologist came in and said her EEG did not show seizure activity (remember Tuesday another Dr told me it showed something but they had to wait for the Neurologist to read it) I did notice while he was examining her that she was not doing the jerky, tremmery movements very much, although she was very active and moving alot. The one thing he did question was whether she can see. Her pupils have been very dilated and he said they did not react much to the light he shined in them. I don't know if this is temporary or if her brain has been further damaged.

It seems she is getting better because she has not ran any fever since Tues afternoon and it didn't get very high. Since her tremmer movements were better, I'm thinking maybe she is getting better. It's just a waiting game now.

They were going to do an echocardiogram yesterday just to check her heart since she has had some blood pressure issues thru this illness. They were not expecting to find anything. They had not yet come in to do it before I left at 3:30.

I guess the plan now is to just let her finish the 10 days of antibiotics and if she keeps improving, she will go back to the nursing home after the 10 days. It is hard to still not have any answers as to what caused all this. Especially when nothing like this has ever happened before. Also, each time she gets so sick, we wonder if this will be the time she will go be with the Lord. I am having a hard time being with her everyday and then being away from her today. I have to stay home and work today and tomorrow, so I probably won't see her until Sat. It is hard to not be with her looking out for her, but I know God is there. There are just some things in life that are so hard to endure, but God's grace is sufficient.

Tuesday's Update

2005-09-06T23:05:00.000-05:00

I arrived at the hospital around 10:00 this morning and they were preparing to take Kristin for an EEG. We are wanting to know if her activity is seizure related or not. That went well, but I don't know the results yet. The nurse said that she only slept about 4 hrs last night and she spiked a fever in the night too but it came right down with Motrin.

I am observing that she is much calmer in the mornings with the jerky movements increasing by afternoon. We took her down for a CT scan of her head and sinuses but they could not do it because she was too aggitated and jerky. She began running fever right about the time we went down.

I got to talk to some new Doctors today and I feel we are headed in the right direction. They are still treating her for infection, but can't find any signs of any - only symptoms. They have changed one of the three antibiotics they have had her on since Thurs. The new one they started Sun and doubled today, treats infections more in the brain, head area.

I talked to a Developmental Dr briefly today before I left and he identified her jerky movements by name - but I had never heard that term before. He said he was anxious to know the results of the EEG from today and would talk to me tomorrow about that. The plan is to take her down early tomorrow morning and try the CT scan when she is more calm. Please pray this will be successful because I am anxious to know what is going on in her little head and sinuses.

Thank you so much for your concern, thoughts. and most of all prayers. Your comments are a great source of encouragement for me and your prayers a great comfort. I know God is working and has a plan to bring from all this. May He bless each one of you.

Monday's Update

2005-09-05T17:59:00.000-05:00

Well, when we got there this morning, she was more calm than I have seen her since all this started last Wednesday. Her body was still having jerking movements, but they were less pronounced and her eyes looked better. They said she had a good night and slept thru it. (which she has every night)

The Dr came in and we talked about all that has gone on and she wondered about doing a CT scan of her sinuses to see if there is some sort of blockage or something going on to make her uncomfortable. She thought of this because I told her how many ear, sinus and tonsil infections she has had over the past few months. I asked her if they could possibly do a whole head scan just to check and see if there is anything else because of all the jerky movements etc. She thought that might be a good idea.

We went down to the cafeteria for lunch and when we came back she had begun running fever again and her body was jerking more. Also her eyes were very dilated again and it just seems she's kinda off in her own little world.

Got to talk to another Dr before we left and I asked her about possibly doing a EEG also to see if these movements were seizures related or not. She said they would have Neurology make those decisions. So the plan is to go up in the morning and see what they decide. I want to talk to the Neurology Dr's and give them as much info as possible.

Thank you again, for the continued prayers.

Trusting and Waiting

2005-09-04T23:08:00.000-05:00

Today was another horrible day. When I got to the hospital, Kristin was running a low fever,had a high heart rate and a high respiration rate. The nurse came in and said they had given her some motrin and some adavan (spelling?) to try to calm her and bring the fever down. She then went to lunch. Over the next hour her heart rate, respirations and fever all continued to climb. She never quit moving and spasming. Her blood pressure started dropping and so did her oxygen saturations. The Dr got busy treating all those things by giving morphine, more adavan & Motrin and started pumping fluids. They also put her on oxygen. By the time we left at 9:30 pm, she was trying so hard to go to sleep but her little body would not quit jerking. Her vitals were all down to a safe place, but we still have no answers to what the problem is. The Dr's keep wanting to run blood cultures, urine cultures and they did yet another chest X-ray. None of this has shown us anything. Today I asked repeatedly for neurology to become involved and for a head scan. They say the Dr's will discuss it tomorrow morning in rounds. My plan is to get up there first thing in the morning and keep asking. I will be the "insistant widow" until they agree, so to shut me up.

God seems to keep saying wait and trust, so I am trying. But it is so hard to see your child suffer and not be able to fix it. May God be glorified in all this. Thank you for your continued prayers and your encouragement. It means more than words can say.

Luke 18

2005-09-03T22:14:00.000-05:00

Today was pretty frustrating and upsetting for me. I went to see Kristin this afternoon and walked in to find her pretty aggitated. Her cheeks were flushed and she had a low-grade temperature. They told me the plan was to move her out of ICU to a regular room. They plan to keep her until she finishes the three antibiotics via IV.

I took 4 of her favorite videos in plus her favorite toy, Karaoke Kim. She is a dancing hamster who sings, "I Will Survive". She always smiles and often laughs when she hears her singing. She did not respond at all to it. Nor the videos. She has her legs drawn up and her muscles are tightly constricted and spasming. She is constantly moving because of her spasms. I keep telling every Dr and nurse I talk to that something is not right, but I feel they don't see a need to investigate further. The blood and urine cultures are not growing anything, but they are still saying she had/has an infection.

I do not know whether the trauma from Thurs (convulsions, 107 fever etc) has further damaged her brain and this is the result - or, what I tend to believe, they simply have not found the problem that started all this in the first place.

Please, Please pray for some answers and pray for relief for Kristin. I don't want to doubt God, because I know there is so much I cannot see or know - but I cannot stand to see my precious girl suffer. Why must she continue on trapped in a body that doesn't work? I guess I will never know this side of heaven.

"God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them. I tell you God will help his people quickly." Luke 18:7-8

Another Update

2005-09-03T07:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was too busy for me to get an update posted, but Kristin is doing better. They got her completely off the vent and oxygen on Thursday night. Yesterday, Mark took off work and went up to be with her. She pretty much slept the whole time. I worked until mid afternoon and then went up and she was awake the whole time for me. I could only stay about an hour because my son had a football game and it was parent's night, but it was good to see her looking better. She acted kinda restless, and I saw some real jerky movements, but she was still really drowsy acting too.

We still do not know anything about the source of infection. It concerns me that we really don't know what caused all this to begin with. I called first thing this morning, and they said she had a couple incidents last night where she was irritated. I will work this morning and then go up and see her this afternoon. I am planning to stop at the nursing home and get a few of her favorite video's and toys and see if I can get a smile. Please pray she will. I am concerned of further brain-damage from all the trauma of Thursday. Please also continue to pray for answers to the problem. God bless you!

Update

2005-09-01T23:06:00.000-05:00

Hello!

Well, this has been one very long day. After I left my prayer request here and headed out, I received a phone call right away from the nursing home, saying that the transport service could not get there for another 15 min. Then they called back saying that they would not be there for about 25 min. They had called 911 for emergency paramedics to come get her and take her to the local hospital first. She was in real distress. I actually beat them to the hospital by just about 5 min. I was not prepared for what was happening when I got into the ER. She was not breathing on her own, they were bagging her and she was convulsing pretty badly. They ended up getting her on a ventilator, then they did some X-rays and bloodwork. Her temp was 107!! They put all kinds of ice bags on her and within the hour they had it down to 101.7. The ER Dr. said she had pnuemonia in one lung and that she needed to be admitted. I told them I wanted her taken on up to the Children's hospital in the city, so she was transferred there. Upon arrival, her temp was down to normal, but her blood pressure was real low and her blood acidic. They began doing X-rays again and trying to stabilize her. They began 3 different powerful antibiotics for the infection and other medication to bring her blood pressure up. They also started pumping the fluids to flush her system out.

The Dr there said she did NOT have pneumonia, but her white count was elevated (from 14,000 a couple hrs before - to 26,000). They eventually sent her down for a CT scan of her abdonmen, because they saw something a little questionable on the X-ray and I feared appendix problems or something. The CT scan showed no problems.

Another Dr came in and started concerns over her high vent settings, so they began weaning her down on it. As of 10:00pm she was beginning to look better according to her vitals. She was responding well to them weaning her oxygen levels down and her vent rate down. She was taking a few breaths over the vent assistance, so that was the first good news we had all day. The Dr encouraged us to come home - he thought she was stable for the night.

My continued prayer request is for her to respond to the antibiotics, to come off the vent and breathe on her own and to not have any further brain damage from her high fever and seizures today. It would also be nice if they could figure out the source of infection.

I have never seen her not breathe on her own or have convulsions before - so this was quite an emotional day. There is nothing worse then seeing your child suffer, especially when you don't know what is wrong.

I had my therapy on the way home though. I put in my Jeremy Camp CD and cranked it up. It was so good to put my focus back on Who God is and what He had done and is doing in my life.

Thank you so much for your prayers - it helps so much to know our friends are praying.

Prayer Request

2005-09-01T09:38:00.000-05:00

Hello Friends,

I have a prayer request for my precious daughter, Kristin. I got a call yesterday, from the nursing home where she lives, that she was crying very hard and sweating profusely. They had the Dr check her and she ordered a couple X-rays, which we still don't have the results of. I went up to be with her last night and although she was not crying, she was very restless and very wet from sweat. I did manage to massage her head and finally get her to drift off to sleep.

They called this morning and said she was doing the same thing, but worse. We are headed up to the Children's Hospital. Please pray they can quickly find the problem and relieve her pain. Also for safety as I travel up - it takes about an hour.

Thank you so much!

Learning the Technology

2005-08-30T23:23:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to point out that I have added some things to my blog. Thanks to my friend, Lepido, I now have added "My Favorite Blogs" and some "Links" that I am proud to reference to. I had the pleasure of talking to my blogging buddy, Lepido, by phone, because he was so generous to offer his help. I can be quite "dumb" when it comes to computer technology. Next, we will tackle posting pictures!!

Please notice and visit my link to "Rebekah's blog" so you can visit there and pray for this special little girl. She is fighting a battle with a rare cancer and sure could use your prayers. Her parents keep this site updated frequently with the latest news on her. It is really awesome to see how many people are lifting them up in prayer.

God's Promises are Real

2005-08-30T18:08:00.000-05:00

It's been almost two years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. That's how it is when you witness God at work.

My stepfather was in the hospital, dieing of cancer. I had the greatest burden on my heart for his salvation. My greatest fear was that he would die without accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior.

He and my mother married when I was 10. He was such a wonderful blessing in our lives. Very gentle, kind and patient. A hardworker and good provider. He was really good to my mom, brother and myself. The only thing missing was a relationship with Jesus. Now as a child, growing up, I thought him nearly perfect. It was only after I became a Christian that I became aware that he was missing out on the most important thing in life.

His first round with cancer was in early 1995 and his surgery was successful. But a few years later, he began having some problems and finally almost 3 yrs later, they found out he had another kind of cancer. It took them too long to find it and it had spread. We didn't know just how much it had spread until after he died. I think he was trying to protect Mom. Anyway, we found out it was in his liver in the summer of '93. He began having chemo and it really wiped him out fast. He ended up in the hospital, and was so very sick and weak. He didn't have any appetite and seemed to just want to sleep. As the days turned to weeks, I began getting really worried that he would die before I ever got to witness to him. Up until this time, I had kept waiting for the Lord to bring the conversation about. I never knew how to lead into it or bring up the subject of Jesus. I didn't want him to think that I thought he was dieing,but I did.

One night I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I just felt like someone was sitting on my chest, I was so burdened. I got up and got my Bible. I said a little prayer asking God to show me what to read. As I flipped thru the pages, the words,"Jesus Comforts His Followers" caught my attention. I was in John chapter 14, verse 1 began, "Jesus said, 'Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me.'" Ok, now if that wasn't exactly what I needed God to tell me! As I continued to read, I could feel the very real presence of the Holy Spirit. When I got to verse 11 and continued reading, I knew I had to act on the promise I found. "Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or believe because of the miracles I have done. I tell you the truth, whoever believes in me will do the same things that I do. Those who believe will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And if you ask for anything in my name, I will do it for you so that the Father's glory will be shown through the Son. If you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it."

What a promise! I could ask Jesus for anything and He would do it. Now I knew whatever I asked, had to be according to His Will. I also knew the thing I wanted most was for my stepfather to be saved and I knew Jesus wanted that too. I also knew that He gave each of us a free will and would not force anyone to believe something. So I prayed, "Jesus I know you wanted me to read these words right now. I know this promise is for me and I am claiming it right now for my stepfather. I know that you won't force him to believe anything, it has to be his own free will. But Lord, I just ask that you not take him until I've had a chance to tell him about you. Please Lord, let him be well enough for us to have a conversation. Please give me the right words to say and help him to see the need for you."

I felt so much peace and excitement after I prayed. I had read that passage of the Bible before, but that night it took on new meaning. It was personalized in a new way. To be continued...

Life as a Coaches Wife

2005-08-19T10:23:00.000-05:00

Ok - I have to share a story at my husband's expense. He's a good sport though. (no pun intended)

As some of you know, my husband teaches Chemistry and is the Varsity Assistant Football coach. Last night, I was awakened by my son letting out a moan followed by jibberish, while sleeping. Right afterward, my husband raises his head and looks at the door. "What?" I ask him. He ignores my question. Again I ask, "What?" He mumbles something I cannot distinguish, and rolls over. Getting a little irritated this time, I again and more emphatically ask, "What?" "This is a passing play and I was looking to see if the receivers are going out." I errupted into laughter, waking him a little more and getting him to chuckle too. "Honey, take a break from football for a few hrs and get some rest - K?"

Tonight is the first big game of the season, so I know it's only natural for him to be a little consumed right now. Of course he will continue to be consumed until the last game of the season. Such is the life as a coaches wife. Good thing I love football too! :)

School Is Back In Session!

2005-08-15T09:14:00.000-05:00

Well, today is the first day of school. So what does that mean for me? It means that it is very quiet here at home today and that once I clean up the house this morning, it will stay that way until tonight!! YEA!! It also means that the rat race is back on. With my husband teaching chemistry and coaching football, and my son being a sophomore, and playing football - their days are long and our time together as a family is short. BUMMER!!

It's even harder, because I know my son only has three more years here at home, before he's off into the world and on his own. This is on my mind so much. My husband had to go to school to work in his classroom last evening, and so my son and I had some "Mother/Son" time. We both enjoy these times so much - even though I'm sure he wouldn't readily admit it.

Here is how we spent the evening: I made dinner and he suggested we find something we both wanted to watch, on TV. We got the pillows all arranged on the bed and piled in; food, drinks, cats and remote. Then as we scanned thru the channels, we decided on "The Pacifier" on PPV. It was an enjoyable move, even though he pushed the wrong button and we got the 7:00pm show instead of the 7:30pm one we intended. Missing the first 32 minutes only made it a little harder to figure out the character relationships, but we soon caught on. But the best part was the times he would lean over and rest his head on my shoulder and sharing smiles and laughter at the funny parts of the movie. I'm sure he would also add how much he enjoys my reactions when I have to "share" his air space as he puts me thru the "gas chamber". (why do boys get such a big kick out of that?!!) :)

I know God is really trying to teach me alot thru this time. As I watch time vanish in the blink of an eye, I find myself trying to hold on ever so tightly. I look back and see him as a small child and it seems such a very short time ago. I look ahead and know someday soon I will long for the times we share together now. (yes, even the gas chamber) But the reality is, he is not only my child, he is more importantly "a child of God". I know that God loves him even more deeply than I do and is so much better able to care for him. I know God wants me to trust and rely on Him to watch over and protect my precious child. That is why I found this prayer from Stormie Omartian's book "The Power of a Praying Parent" exactly what I need to pray:

Father, I come to you in Jesus' name and give Dustin to You. I'm convinced that You alone know what is best for him. You alone know what he needs. I release him to You to care for and protect, and I commit myself to pray for everythng concerning him that I can think of or that You put upon my heart. Teach me how to pray and guide me in what to pray about. Help me not to impose my own will when I'm praying for him, but rather enable me to pray that Your will be done in his life.

Thank You that I can partner with You in raising him and that I don't have to do it alone. I'm grateful that I don't have to rely on the world's unreliable and ever-changing methods for child rearing, but that I can have clear directions from Your Word and wisdom as I pray to You for answers.

Thank You, Lord, for the precious gift of this child. Because Your Word says that every good gift comes from You, I know that You have given him to me to care for and raise. Help me to do that. Show me places where I continue to hang on to him and enable me to release him to Your protection, guidance, and counsel. Help me not to live in fear of possible dangers, but in the joy and peace of knowing that You are in control. I rely on You for everything, and this day I trust my child to You and release him into Your hands. Thru Jesus I pray - Amen

An Amazing Weekend!

2005-07-31T21:16:00.000-05:00

I just had the best weekend. As some of you know, my husband and I headed over to the other side of the state to meet with my blogging friend, Melanie. Her and I met in May, thru the blogging world. I was so drawn to her from the very start because of her genuine love for the Lord and her tender heart in sharing her faith.

It was amazing because the more we learned about each other, the more we found we had in common. SO MANY THINGS!! It is hard to explain how we connected on a spiritual level - but we have had so many similiar experiences that I can just really understand where she is coming from.

Anyway, when she told me she was coming to IN with her husband and friends, to lead worship at a church - I was so excited! I was finally going to get to meet my friend, whom I had already come to love, face to face.

Now I am really blessed with the husband I have, because he did not know these people at all - He has not yet caught the blogging fever - but still was willing to go spend the weekend with total strangers. I can tell you, he was NOT disappointed. We had the best time!

We started off going to their hotel room and meeting them and the couple they came with. We sat and chatted for a little bit. Then the minister of the church where they were to sing today, came and got us and took us to his house for a cook-out. So we head off to his house and are greeted with big hugs and smiles from his wife. This woman was truly amazing. She was so genuine and full of God's love. She has food spread all over the kitchen and the four of us women dug in and came up with a pretty amazing dinner. Grilled chicken breasts, grilled veggies, salad, homemade salsa, and guacamole etc. It was quite the spread. But the best part was hearing her share what the Lord has done in her life. I could have sat and listened to her for hours. Anyway, it was a great evening of fellowship and getting to know one another. Food! Friends! Laughter! Faith! I could not have imagined a better evening.

Today we got to go to church and be blessed by some amazingly talented people. Melanie has the most beautiful voice! She did such a good job leading worship and getting our hearts ready to receive the message. Her husband Frank is one cool dude! You should hear him on the sax! So passionate! I loved it! And I cannot even describe the talent of our new friend Wayne. He loves jazz music and I have never seen someone play the guitar like he does - he is awesome! So the worship time was simply amazing and then the message - wow - can Larry teach the Word of God! We definitely got filled up this morning.

We had a delicious dinner afterward, at Applebees and got to enjoy more time together before we each headed off in our different directions. It was hard to say goodbye. We took lots of pictures, which Melanie will have to post on her blog because I don't know how yet. :) But I have to say the coolest part for me is the fact that we were all virtually strangers - and yet the bond between us was strong because of Jesus. It was not like being with strangers at all, but like being with family - a family for eternity. How cool is that?

I would have never imagined back in May, when we started blogging and emailing, that God would bring Melanie all the way to my state to sing at a church and allow us to meet. He truely is the giver of every good and perfect gift. Thank you Jesus, I will always cherish the memories of this weekend.

Power of a Praying Parent

2005-07-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

My son is away at a Christ in Youth Conference this week. I am very happy for him to be spending this time with hundreds of other teens, concentrating on his relationship with the Lord. I am especially hopeful for the timeing of this conference as it is right before school starts and the time he will get his drivers license.

I have been having a hard time dealing with the fact that my son is growing up. The thought of him having his drivers license and being out in the world on his own is really making me anxious. Will he make good choices or will he give in to peer pressure?

One day a friend was sharing with me something in her "Power of a Praying Parent" book by Stormie Omartian. I have one good book about praying for children called, "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children" by Jodie Berndt, but felt I should get Stormie's book too. There really is something to praying from God's Word. Anyway - yesterday morning I read the Chapter from Stormie's book called "Developing a Hunger for the Things of God". It was so good and the prayer at the end was everything I could ever want for my son. So I prayed it: Father, I pray for Dustin to have an ever increasing hunger for more of You. May he long for Your presence-long to spend time with You in prayer, praise, and worship. Give him a desire for the truth of Your Word and a love for Your laws and Your ways. Teach him to live by faith and be led by the Holy Spirit, having an availability to do what You tell him to do. May he be so aware of the fullness of Your Holy Spirit in him that when he is depleted in any way he will immediately run to You to be renewed and refreshed. I pray that his heart will not have any allegiances or diversions away from You, but rather that he would be repulsed by ungodliness and all that is in opposition to You. May a deep reverence and love for You and Your ways color everything he does and every choice he makes. Help him to understand the consequences of his actions and know that a life controlled by the flish will only reap death. May Dustin not be wise in his own eyes, but rather 'fear the Lord and depart from evil'. (Prov 3:7) I pray that he will be reliable, dependable, responsible, compassionate, sensitive, loving, and giving to others. Deliver him from any pride, laziness, slothfulness, selfishness or lust of the flesh. I pray that he will have a teachable and submissive spirit that says, "Yes" to the things of God and "No" to the things of the flesh. Strengthen him to stand strong in his convictions. I pray that he will always desire to be an active member of a Christian church that is alive to the truth of Your Word and the power of Holy spirit-led worship, prayer, and teaching. As he learns to read our Word, write Your law in his mind and on his heart so that he alwys walks with a confident assurance of the righteousness of Your commands. As he learns to pray, may he also learn to listen for Your voice. I pray that his relationship with You will never beome lukewarm, indifferent, or shallow. May there always be a Holy Spirit fire in his heart and an unwavering desire for the things of God. Thru Jesus I pray - Amen

Then last night he called about 11:30. He asked what I was doing and after I answered that I was sleeping, I asked how his day was. He said "Great! He went onto tell me about their lesson on Peter and how we need to be sold out for God and not afraid to take everything out of the box for Jesus. Don't hold anything back or try to hide things. He told me the message was the kind of message you would hear on the last day of being at a conference and that the kids were really changed already by what they heard. He told me he called because he wanted me to keep praying for him and for his friends. THis about made me cry. It was just such evidence of God at work and answering my prayer that morning. God is so good.

I have concluded that I cannot always be with my son. I cannot always know what he does or tell him which choice to make. But I can pray for him and God can and will be with him. The Holy Spirit is alive in my son and He will be his helper. I will have to remind myself of this over and over. It is hard as a mother to let go and let your child to go into the world. But ultimately, my son belongs to God - and He loves him even more than I do. That is how he loves each of us. So much He sent his Son to die in my place, in your place and in my son's place. Now that's love.

Singing All Week!

2005-07-21T16:34:00.000-05:00

As I told you in my last post, this week has been our VBS. Some of my fondest memories from attending VBS as a child, are the songs we sang. Well, Christian music has changed a great deal over the last several years, and we sing very few of the old ones I used to sing. (Zaccheus; This Little Light of Mine;Joy Joy Joy etc) But the thing that has not changed is the way the songs stick in your head. I've been singing all week! :)

All the songs we are doing are great - but my very favorite is called, "Be Like Jesus". Here are the words:

I wanna be like Jesus
think like Jesus
do what He would do
in every way every where every day
let His love and grace shine through.

I wanna be like Jesus
so that Jesus
will be seen in me.
Father help me be
like Jesus.

I hope this song is in the heart of everyone who attended this week.

Vacation Bible School

2005-07-18T09:02:00.000-05:00

Ok - I hope no one passes out when they visit here and see that I actually posted something new. I know, it's been awhile!

Yesterday was our kick-off for Vacation Bible School at our church. We always have our kick-off after first service - right before the Bible study class time. Then, instead of having our usual Bible study time, we have VBS. Then we go back that evening and each evening this week. The program is Friday evening, after a free cookout. One thing our church does a little different for VBS, is have classes for all ages, 0-100. We try to make it a family adventure so everyone is learning and can share together at home.

This year I have the privalege of working with the teenagers. We have a class for 7th-12th graders. Our minister is the lead teacher with four of us assisting him. This is my third year to work together with him for this age. Although our church is using Standard Publishing's "Construction Zone" material, we write our own lessons for the youth. We are tieing into the construction theme by having time to work on a real construction project, a storage shed, for our church.

When our minister and I sat down to begin working on our lessons, we tried to think back to when we were teenagers and the things that we thought about the most. We came up with: Acceptance; Fear; Independence/Dependence; Sexuality; and Pride. For Acceptance, we used the examples of the Woman at the well and the Leper. We read those stories (it was last night's lesson) and discussed how Jesus treated them differently than other people. Tonight's lesson is on Fear and we use the example of David facing Goliath. He had no fear because of his deep trust in God. Tomorrow will be Independence/Dependence. We are using the example of King Saul and the consequences of him trusting himself over God. Wednesday will be Sexuality. We are focusing on how God made us in his image, but individual as male and female. We will use scripture from Genesis and creation and then skip to Hebrews, 1 Corinthians and Romans. We will talk about sexual immorality and God's warning against because it harms us and dishonors God. We will conclude on Thursday with Pride. We will study about Saul and his pride that blinded him to the truth. Then the wonderful transformation that allowed him to put his hope in Jesus rather than his own abilities.

I am feeling good with the lessons we have chosen. Makes me think back to when I was a teen and living for myself instead of God. That is why I am passionate about working with the youth thru Sunday School and VBS. I wish I had known then, what I know now. I don't think kids truly understand the blessing of being taught God's truth and being raised in the church. Still so many continue to live in the world instead of obedient to Christ.

Would you please pray with me for the transformation of young lives this week. Lord Jesus, we come to you praising your holy name. The name above all names, Creator, Lord and Savior. We hear your name and we think, holy, glory, honor and love. We live because you died. We believe because you are worthy. Lord, right now we ask that you would be with those who attend our VBS this week. Be with those who are teaching, and those who are serving in other ways. Thank you for each and every one. Allow your love to flow through them at every moment so those who come and don't know you, will leave feeling special and valued. Lord, we pray especially for those who don't yet know you. May they understand who you are and what you have done for them. May they see that they are separated from you because of their sin and believe that you died for that sin. We ask that they would admit their sin and turn from it, accepting your free gift of grace. May they confess you as Lord of their lives. And for those who have already done that, may they continue to grow in their faith, seeking a closer relationship with you. Thank you for each and every person you bring together in VBS this week. May we be worthy teachers of your Word, bringing glory and honor to your name. Amen.

Happy B-day Dear Dustin!

2005-07-06T23:02:00.000-05:00

July 7th, 1989 - 16 years ago, but seems like only yesterday. That's when my precious son was born. I had gone to a business women's dinner as a guest, with a friend of mine. They had mexican night. It was delicious. I think I went to bed about 11:00 - but woke up around 1:00am and thought I was wetting the bed. It was the strangest thing - I got up, and finally realized - my water was breaking. I was only in labor 4 hrs before my firstborn - a son - 8lb 10 oz - 21" long was born into the world. I wanted my firstborn to be a son and God sure blessed me with a special miracle. There is nothing like the gift of being a parent.

I have been trying to figure something special for his 16th - but couldn't seem to come up with the perfect plan. I like to surprise people and do something they would love - but only time will tell if this will be good or not. My husband planned a two day golf outing with some buddies - so that put a little hitch in things since he won't be with us. So we are going to the NCAA Hall of Champions in Indianapolis. It is a sports museum geered for student athletes. There is nothing my son likes better than sports - it is his passion - especially football. His best bud is going with us as well as a friend of mine who is a big sports lover too. She is a teacher and coach - so that will be good. Then we will eat somewhere downtown that he chooses and then go to the canal and rent a paddle boat. I am gonna check into getting a tour of the RCA Dome - home of the Indianapolis Colts - but that probably won't happen on late notice. His buddy has to be home by 5:15 because he has a baseball game and we live an hour from Indy - so that will keep us from going to the Indianaplis Indians game like I had wanted - but that's ok. He has been to an Indians game in the past. I am just looking forward to a day out to celebrate a special day for a special boy. He's my pride and joy and I feel so very blessed to have him as my son. I'll let you know how it turns out. :)

Break My Heart

2005-07-04T08:29:00.000-05:00

The other day Christinewjc wrote a post at Stephen Bennett's blog called "Reasons to Hope When You Are Hurting". Over the weekend, I was listening to my Kathy Troccoli CD, Love Has A Name. Oh how I love to listen to Kathy Troccoli speak of her faith and listen to her music. Well, as I was listening to one of my favorite songs that she wrote, I was struck by how this song speaks to Christine's post exactly how I feel. Here are the lyrics:
Break My Heart

I've known laughter
Days of fun
Had many hours in the sun
Been to many mountains
Walked along the ocean shores
I've seen rainbows fill the sky
Counted stars on summer nights
Oh, so many moments
That have filled my soul with joy

CHORUS
But, it's been the rain
I'ts been the storms
It's been the days
When I've been worn
That I have found You, Lord
That I have found You, Father
It's in the pain
That I have grown
Through all the sorrow
I have known
But, if that's what it takes
For You to lead me this far
Go ahead and break my heart

I have felt the winter snow
Seen the beauty of a rose
Sat by many fires
And enjoyed the warmth of friends
I've known love
And it's embrace
Have felt the wind
Against my face
Watched the moon at midnight
Shine upon a sleeping world

(Chorus)

What a beautiful song and what a beautiful heart for the Lord Kathy has. She sure blesses me. For anyone who has never heard her or read about her or listened to her music, I highly recommend you check her out. http://www.kathytroccoli.com/

Wonderful Freedom Wonderful God

2005-07-01T22:29:00.000-05:00

Hello Friends,
It has been ahwile since my last post. Kinda been in a fog this week. Been pretty discouraged about a situation and it was getting the best of me. I woke up about 4:10 am this morning and felt the stress of the situation like a ton of bricks on my chest. I could not get back to sleep, so I got up around 5:15. I tried to take my mind off the frustration by trying to plan something for my son's upcoming 16th b-day. (on the 7th) Checked out some things on the internet. Then, shortly before I needed to jump in the shower, one of my closest friends called to ask for prayer. It was concerning someone who had wronged her a few yrs ago and was now finding himself is a similiar situation. He was sorry for the pain he caused her, feeling really dumb and very empty. He does not yet know the Lord. We talked and then we prayed. It helped me to get over my self doom and gloom and refocus on what's important - others coming to know the Lord. I then started my work day and had some time to blog and email in between appts. I read some of the best Spirit filled posts today. I actually had the desire to respond to every one of them. Something I had lacked enthusiasm for most of the week. I am feeling very thankful for the encouragment I received today by reading what others shared about their faith. Here are the links so you can be encouraged too.
http://lepido.blogspot.com/
http://melaniesita.blogspot.com/
http://talkwisdom.blogspot.com/
http://www.jasondollarblog.blogspot.com/

This weekend is a very special time that I look forward to every year. As some of you know, I grew up on a small private lake of about 500 acres. My mom still lives there on a lakefront property and I live right outside of this community. Most of my clients are from there and I love this place very much. Well the 4th of July weekend is a big deal there. The women's club has a big flea market (which my mom was in charge of for over 20 yrs but gave up about 5 yrs ago), a huge raffle, a bake sale and sale of other goodies. The Kiwanis have a hog-roast and there are fireworks at night. Then on Sunday afternoon, there is a boat parade. It is great fun! My mom and I will sell raffle tickets tomorrow as well as help with the drawing at the end. We also will stand at the entrance and collect donations for the fireworks display. It is always tons of fun to see all the people. It's kinda like a big party for the whole weekend.

So - I hope each one of you has a wonderful holiday weekend and time to reflect on the wonderful blessing of the freedom this great country allows. Also - as you watch those fabulous firework displays, take the time to pray for those who are risking their lives, at this very moment, so that we can enjoy this freedom. God Bless America and God bless you!

Alexander the Great!

2005-06-22T22:48:00.000-05:00

My mom called me yesterday and said enthusiastically, "I found a dog!" My reply came less enthusiastically, "So what else is new?" Now at first, this may seem like a strange reply from someone who loves animals like I do, but you have to understand what has taken place over the last year and a half. My mom, (and the rest of our family), is a big animal lover. We had dogs when I was little and then acquired a cat in about 1975. (my brother brought her home on the bus, hid her in his bedroom and then went in and said to Mom, "If I ask you a question do you promise to not say no?") :) Well, Mom kept her end of the deal and we had "Mickey" for about 16 years. Then there was Tom Selleck, the siamese tom cat who came to us, then Goldie, the cat Tom Selleck brought home with him. They had Goldie until a couple years ago when she had a stroke and couldn't walk and they had to have her put to sleep. My stepfather refused to get anymore animals and now I think it was because he was much sicker than we realized at the time. He died of cancer in Nov '03.

Well Mom has gone back and forth on getting a pet. She has called me several times to tell me of a dog she found (in the paper, in a petstore etc) She just got rid of 8 kittens (I posted about previously) and I thought for sure she would keep one of them. But each time, she would conclude in the end that she didn't want to be responsible for or tied down with a pet. Soooooo, when she called yesterday I naturally thought, "Here we go again." But I guess it was just a matter of time and finding that perfect pet that she could not resist. The one that is worth being tied down for.

He is a Wheaton, Wirehaired Dachshund, coming with the name of Xander, which my mom says is short for Alexander. She got him thru a dachshund rescue center. All I know is, he is a perfect match for my mom and a welcome addition to our family. I went to visit tonight and he played ball, and snuggled on our laps. I told him we had a lot in common, we were both adopted by the same great lady. :)

So, whether my mom continues to call him Xander, or comes up with a new name, I know it was this "Great" little dog, with his innocent, sweet face - that captured my mom's heart. And that sets well with me.

I'm Thankful It's Friday!

2005-06-17T21:30:00.000-05:00

Yea - it's the weekend! I am so glad - not sure why I'm feeling so tired. My son had two ballgames this week, on Tues and Thurs evenings - so that make those days kinda long. but all in all, it was a good week. I'm looking forward to the weekend. Tomorrow there is a car show just up the road from where I live. I will get to spend some time with my brother. He is coming down for the car show and then we will go over to dad's to celebrate Father's Day. Then Sunday, we will go to my mom's and cookout for my husband to celebrate father's day. The weather is supposed to be nice - so I am so looking forward to laying in the sun and relaxing - and hopefully taking a boat ride.:) It is my wish that all of you have a wonderful weekend as well.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best andy may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God." Phil 1:9-11

Your Way Your Way

2005-06-11T23:30:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite things in life is music - especially Christian music. I can be having the worst day, or be so upset about something and just go get in my car, crank up the stereo and get my focus back where it needs to be, on God. There are so many good contemporary Christian artists today. I have listed some of my favorites on my blogger profile, but the list is really much longer. The other day I was listening to Tree63 and something struck me that I had never thought about before. They have this song called, "Look What You've Done". I have copied the lyrics for you below.

Look What You've Done

Look what You've done for me
Your blood has set me free
Jesus my Lord look what You've done for me

I haven't been the same
Ever since that day I called Your name
Yahweh
Yahweh Look What You've done for me

What can I do for You my Lord?
I want You to know my heart is Yours
It's not a question of what You can do for me
But what can I do for You my Lord?

Up to Your cross I crawled
Now I am standing teen feet tall
Jesus my saviour look what You've done for me

Free at last I'm free
I owe You my life completely
Yahweh
Yahweh look what You've done for me

As I was singing this the other day when I sang and listened to the part that says Yahweh Yahweh, look what you've done for me - it sounded so much like the guy was singing, your way your way. It really struck me how that is what Christianity is really about. Giving up our way for God's way. It's not because He is some strict taskmaster who likes to give orders, but rather, He is this loving amazing God who knows all things and wants to bless us beyond our wildest dreams. But we seem to focus on ourselves and things that bring temporary pleasure instead of seeking what is truly good and lasting. It is so liberating to let go and let God - to know without a doubt that my life is in His control. Does that mean that things are always gonna be easy or go as I want? Nope, not at all, but I can trust that whatever God allows, is part of His plan and is all for my good.

If you would like to hear this song or some of the other great songs Tree63 sings, here is the link. http://tree63.com I guess you have to copy and paste as it didn't turn blue. May God touch your heart with His truth as you escape from the stresses in your life.

Your way Your way, Look what You've done for me. Oh yea - unhuh....

Thankfully - Just an Ear Infection

2005-06-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

Hello Friends,
Thank you for your prayers for my daughter. It seems she has a pretty bad ear infection. I know that is not serious, but in her, with all her problems, something little, like an ear infection, can be quite serious for her. I was with her this morning and she seems to be herself again. I put in her Jonah, Veggie Tale movie, and she was smiling from ear to ear. She gets as tickled by those silly little veggies as I do. She has tubes in her ears, but they obviously are not working, so I requested her to have an appt at Riley Hospital for Children to see the ENT Dr. I guess her last set of tubes were probably 2 or 3 yrs ago - time flies. Anyway - I'm just thrilled to know the cause of her discomfort and it to be something that is fixable.

Been busy in my shop this week - thankful for it but tired and ready for the weekend already! Must be getting old. I wish I had known how hard standing all day would be on my back - would have chosen a different occupation. Like one with vacation pay and sick leave. Geez - what was I thinking?!! No, don't get me wrong - I love this job in many ways. I have been so blessed to have my shop in my home for 19 yrs. Can schedule around times when the kids need me etc. There is always bad with the good. Well - nite all - hope to hear from all my friends soon. You know I have always been one to love to go to the mailbox- since I was a little girl. Then came email and now blogging - I guess I just like to hear from friends.

Where you been Clandi? Not get your computer fixed yet??

Monday on Tuesday

2005-06-07T21:54:00.000-05:00

Well, today was a Monday for me. You see, I'm off work on Monday's and that way I still get my two day weekend, but then Tuesday's become Monday's sometimes. I work from noon until 8:00pm on Tues and Thurs and my plan for this morning was to get my house cleaned. Well, that didn't work out too well. I started out going thru the mail pile that piles and piles on the kitchen counter for weeks. I have this little corner of counter that I don't have to use for cooking or anything and that is where the mail that requires further action, or I don't want to deal with goes. So after it gets so high, I finally break down and sort thru it. Well, today was the day, so the pile is now small again. But my house is still dirty!! grrrr I had to make so many phone calls to deal with the pile. First, I had to call a credit card company that I had received an update on my account from. Now I had just gone thru my credit card file a few months ago and called all the companies whose cards I no longer used and cancelled those accounts. Well it seems I had to call this one and cancel twice. Why is it, they always try to talk you into keeping a card that you haven't used in years?!! That irritates me. Then I had to call about a bill I received for chiropractic services I had gotten over two yrs ago. I first got this bill in Feb. There was no phone number, so I wrote them a letter telling them I did not owe them any money and if they thought I did, they would have to prove it to me. I heard nothing the next month, then the month after that, I got another bill. So I called the Dr who had taken over that office and was told they were receiving many calls like mine and they would take care of it, I didn't owe anything. The next month - no bill. Then this month - a bill again!! Grrrr So, again I called and they said they took care of it this time, and I shouldn't get anymore bills. We'll see what happens in a couple months. Then, I had to call the insurance over a claim I have been trying to get settled since Jan. I won't go into the boring details, but I am so sick of running around in circles on this one for 5 months. Then, lastly, I had to call the local water conditioning company about a bill that I received two different statements about. I got a bill for an amount that I paid in full, then received two more statements, with different account numbers, showing I have a credit!! I know I don't have - but they said they changed all accounts over to a new system and they couldn't access the old system today - so they would have to call me back.

Then to top it all off, I received a call from the nursing home where my daughter is saying she was having some kind of episode. Crying, sweating, high heart rate, low oxygen saturations, possible seizure activity, but no fever. They had faxed the Dr and waiting to hear what to do. I called back about an hour later and they said they gave her some Ibuprophen (spelling?) and put some air on her and she was ok. Called back again this evening and they said she had another episode this evening, but after an extra breathing treatment, she was resting well. They said the Dr would be in first thing in the morning. Please keep her in your prayers. I'm not afraid of her dieing - I look forward to her going to be with the Lord and being whole and not trapped in a body that doesn't work - but I can't stand for her to suffer. And I hate not having her here at home where I can take care of her. Life is just not fair sometimes.

So, between worrying about my baby girl, and wasting so much time on the phone dealing with things that should have already been taken care of - it really wasn't the best of days. Hopefully tomorrow will be better - and maybe sometime or another - I'll get around to cleaning my house after all.

Here I Go Again

2005-06-05T20:37:00.000-05:00

Hello,
We had a really good weekend being with my husband's family. The wedding was so moving. The young couple met thru a ministry for young adults. The wedding ceremony was very Christ-centered and it touched my heart very much. It was good to be with family - we don't get to see them very often. My Mother and Father in law are such sweet, loving, Christian people. I'm afraid their health is not good though and I hate that we can't be together more.

The one thing I do not enjoy on our overnight visits are the sleeping arrangements. My husband and I share his old room and the bed is only a double and it feels more like a twin. It is so tiny and cramped!! I always wake up with a backache!!

On a completely different topic - I just heard a song I love so much. It is by one of my favorite bands, Casting Crowns. It is called "Here I Go Again". Here are the words:
Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?

Chorus:
'Cause here I go again
Talkin 'bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love Him
But here I go again, here I go again

Lord, You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love him
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love him
You love him, You love him

What Am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heard

I love that song - makes me think of my brother everytime I hear it. My heart aches for him to walk with the Lord and know the saving grace of Christ. But I also want everyone to know - not too much to ask, is it? Anyway - I just pray God gives me the words to say, words straight from Him.

Late Night Again

2005-06-02T23:27:00.000-05:00

Hello Friends,
Why is it in the mornings when I wake up I think, "Tonight I'm going to bed early!". But when night comes, there is too much to do to get there early? Well, my reason for not getting to bed early tonight (besides sitting here blogging) :) is because I took another sewing class this morning and I was supposed to be making throw pillows for my salon. Notice I said "supposed to be making". Well, I ordered these really perfect nautical panels, found the perfect fabric to back them and the perfect piping and just needed help knowing how to put it all together. Well, the panels have two different scenes of a boat with a little saying and there is a border around each scene. Soooo, when I tried to sew the piping on, I didn't get it straight in some places, so the white on the outside of the blue border showed. Soooo, tonight I ripped everything out and started again!! YIPEE - FUN FUN. I have to stop for now - too tired to continue. Why was it I wanted to know how to sew?!! No, I'm actually glad I am doing this - I will feel a sense of accomplishment when I get it right. I will get it right eventually won't I?!!

We Are Family

2005-06-01T23:08:00.000-05:00

Tonight I got to be with my 40 year old cousin for only the 2nd time in our lives. You see, we only met about a month ago. We were both given up for adoption, at birth.

My parents got to bring me home when I was about 21 days old. They already had a son, who was 2 1/2 at the time, who they also adopted. (He was about 16 days old when they got him) We grew up always knowing we were adopted and being told it made us very special. I was one who was always curious where my birth mom was. Had I ever passed her on the street or maybe she worked somewhere I had been and had spoken to me and I didn't even realize it. I didn't look like anyone in my family and always wondered who I did look like. I always said I would search to find her when I turned 18.

Well, it actually happened when I was 22. Somehow those years passed so quickly, and one day, I was working on someones hair and the subject came up that I was adopted and they asked if I wanted to try to find my birth mom. I explained that I was going to when....Hey wait a minute - I am already old enough!! Wow, how did that happen. So, I called my attorney, made an appt and the search began. Two weeks later, I was talking to her on the phone.

She lives in CA along with a sister, two brothers, an aunt, two cousins and now several neices and nephews. I do have several aunts and uncles and cousins who live real close to me. That is where this new cousin comes into the picture.

The year before I was given up for adoption, my aunt, my birth mom's sister, also gave a baby up for adoption. Well, that baby - now a 40 yr old man, just found her - and us. It was so cool. He lives out of state too - but not as far as my birth mom and family.

So tonight we had a get-together at my other aunt's house because my cousin and his wife and daughter are up here for the week. It is really a blessing how God has brought us all together. There are some amazing people in my birth family - but the best part is - I felt comfortable around them from day 1. They are so much fun. There is really some great humor and talent in the family. Two of my cousins, (this new cousin's brother and sister) both LOVE to video record and take pictures. So they always film when we get together and then take home and make movie on their computer with it. They are very talented at editing and such to make into real masterpieces. But mostly we just play cornhole, or cards, or games or cornhole or take a walk or sit and talk or play cornhole and eat and laugh and, oh yea, play cornhole and laugh some more. It's always great fun!

So, I have been blessed to have so much wonderful family. My mom and dad who adopted me (the only ones I call mom and dad). A wonderful brother who I was raised with and now for the last 17 years - God has reunited me with those whose blood I share. And, I found out who I look like - my birth mom - it's unreal.

It sure is amazing to have two wonderful families who love me. I'm very blessed indeed.

Toilet Paper Tormentors

2005-05-29T23:10:00.000-05:00

Wow, what a day! We started the day with Sunday School, where my husband and I lead the high schoolers. We started watching the movie, Luther, about Martin Luther, & the Reformation. I am anxious to see the rest of it. Then we went to church and they had a really nice Memorial Day service, honoring our members and past members who have served our country. Then we went to my mom's for a cookout and pool cleaning party. Then for a boat ride. Listened to the race and it was pretty exciting. Then came home and had our dear friends over to eat and play cards. They moved about an hour away and were down visiting for the holiday. So good to be together.

Then I set in to catch up on what I missed today on the Stephen Bennett blog and while I was sitting in bed reading the posts, we heard a "bonk" on the window. Thought it was the cat. Then, another bonk, so my husband got up to check and didn't see anything. Then, another bonk - so he checked out more thorough, and discovered some rolls of toilet paper laying beneath the windows. Seemed someone had been out back throwing these at our windows. Now, this disturbed me right away, because I had just gotten undressed, and in my jammies and gotten in bed. So I ran to look out our other windows to discover other rolls of toilet paper laying in the yard on all sides of the house. (about 8 rolls) We figured with turning all the outside lights on and looking out all the windows, we scared them away. So, I went back to reading the blog and in a little bit, more bonks. This time I got really mad and got into my car and drove next door to check it out. We live out in the country and there is farm land all around us. There is a house way back off the road next to us and that guy has several storage buildings behind our house, beyond a bunch of big pine trees, that the guy had planted to give us privacey. So I headed back to the storage buildings to see if I could find a parked car or find the culprits. No such success - but when I came back home, my guys told me that right before I pulled back into our drive, a car drove by real slow, blaring their horn and yelling. I was outsmarted!! I can't stand the thought of someone being outside lurking around my property when I'm inside getting dressed etc. Don't like it at all!!. Now I'll probably have nightmares!

In Memory of Paul

2005-05-27T17:13:00.000-05:00

Today's post is in memory of my sweet friend Paul Wetherald. Paul lived at the same nursing home where my daughter Kristin lives. Paul was known and loved by everyone who visited at the home. He was 39 years old, but had been there since he was 7. He was the first resident my husband and I met when we went to visit the first time to check out the facility. He was the most outgoing, sweetest soul you could ever meet. He never knew a stranger and never forgot a face.

Paul captured my heart early on. He was one of the few there who can talk and interact with visitors. He loved to sit and hold your hand and pat you. He also loved when people from our church (or other churches) came to have a service for them. He always came rolling down the hall with his hymnal and his Bible. He would ask me each time I saw him, in between church visits when we were coming back to have church. It was something he always looked forward to. His favorite hymn was "In the Garden", so now I can picture him in heaven walking in the garden with Jesus. Here is a link with the words and music: http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/i/t/g/itgarden.htm.

Paul, my sweetheart, I miss you dearly. Going to see Kristin will not be the same without seeing your sweet face. I will always hear your words ringing out as I leave saying, "Be careful". You knew I loved you Paul, and I know you loved me. And the best part is, we will be together again someday - for eternity. And you will be walking and running and doing all the things you couldn't do here. Until we meet again, dear friend...enjoy the garden and being with our precious Savior. :)

Carrie Won!

2005-05-26T08:49:00.000-05:00

Ok - I wrote this post last night, but somehow, when I pushed the "publish post" button, it disappeared. I should have learned my lesson from this happening before, and save my post into a file first, just in case, but nooooooo, I guess I learn things the hard way.

Anyway, Carrie is the new American Idol! I have to say I'm surprised. I really thought Bo would win, since we have never had a "Rock Idol" before - but, oh well, what do I know. Simon did predict Carrie, after all, and he's been pretty much on the mark all year. So, congratulations Carrie!

I wanted to share my day on Monday with you. I went to Indy to take my best friend out to lunch for her b-day. I also planned on going to JoAnn fabric to pick up a few things. I told her she could pick anywhere she wanted to eat. So she decided on Charleston's. So, we get there & get a nice booth by the window. After looking over the menu, we decide to split the Chicken Picatto. It consisted of 2 chicken breasts, in some sort of lemony butter sauce (I know there was way more to that sauce) with chopped asparagus, tomatoes, capers, and artichokes. It was served with garlic mashed potatoes. Oh my goodness, was it ever delicious! I told my husband to prepare to take me there periodically to have my cravings satisfied. That is one dish I will definitely need more of!

While we were sitting there enjoying the meal, and our visit, she suggests we go up the street to "Maggie Moo's" for dessert. She had been telling me for months about this place, and that they have the best ice cream around. So, being the sweet lover that I am, I agree.

We walk in the place and the smell got my mouth watering right away. After looking over the menu, I decide on the richest chocolatey selection they offer - complete only in a waffle cone, of course. She chose a small something in a dish. So we head off to my car to enjoy our treats and visit some more. Now, for those of you who have never been to Maggie Moo's, they have a special way of making their special mix recipes. They take the ice cream scoop and put it on a chopping block, added a small chocolate bar, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate fudge topping and use the ice cream scoop to chop and mix it all - then they put it in the dish (or cone). So, when I get to the car and start eating, it is apparant right away that the waffle cone was a bad choice. It starts dripping down the cone on all sides. I am frantically trying to lick all the drips and eat the ice cream that's over the cone, all while grabbing napkin after napkin from my glove box to catch what I'm not getting. I was feeling like quite the messy pig. My friend is sitting over there with her nice little dish, eating her nice little bites, while I'm over here making all kinds of slurping noises and such. GROSS! So, we finally finish our wonderfully delicious treats and I gather the trash to throw away. When I get out of the car, I notice there is a huge melted chocolate mess in my seat - AND ALL OVER THE BACK OF MY PANTS!! My "friend" starts laughing and handing my napkins - that do little to clean up such a sticky mess. After realizing it is gonna take some water to clean this mess, I walk back into Maggie Moo's and head to the restroom - all the while, very self-conscience of what those in the place are thinking as they look at the mess on my behind. (think chocolate on the butt area - what would you think?!!) After several wet paper towels and much scrubbing, I proceeded to really rub it into my pants (they were dark denim, thank you God!) So I realize this is the best it's gonna get and I hold my head high and walk back to the car. I think I should have suggested a WARNING sign on their wall. Warning! Eat chocolate ice cream in a cone at your own risk! Anwyway - I tell my friend that we now are headed to Kohl's, next door, to find me some new pants. You have to admit it is a valid reason to go shopping.

So, of course Kohl's is having a good sale (Kohl's is always having a good sale!) and we proceed to go to the dressing room several times. And, a skirt, pair of slacks, three tops and some under garments later, we leave the store. Oh yea, she got several things too. :)

So, I never made it to JoAnn Fabric - but I did have a great meal, deliciously messy dessert and a wonderful visit with my friend. I admit, it was a day I won't soon forget!

2005-05-22T19:09:00.000-05:00

Hello Friends,
I guess it's been awhile since I have shared any thoughts on here. So much to do, so little time. This week has been a whirlwind. Between work, laundry, house cleaning, track meets, visiting my daughter in the nursing home, cooking, sewing classes and church services, it has been a full week. But you know what? Even though I get a little burned out sometimes (Ok - a lot burned out) I just think about how blessed I am with health, a great family, many good friends and a loving Saviour and that helps keep things in perspective.

I tell you one thing I am really struggling with right now, is the fact that my son will get his driver's license this summer. How do they grow up so fast?!! I can remember those sleep deprived years and thinking they'd last forever - and now I wish I could go back to them. I think it makes it harder for me that in many ways it's like he is my only child. I have my precious Kristin, but with her severe brain damage, she cannot participate in life. She cannot walk or talk (or even sit up or hold her head up). Her life has definitly changed mine. But most of the changes are good ones. Anyway - that's a whole other blog post. But I just have this terrible fear that he will be in some terrible accident. I know he is in God's hands, but I still tremble with fear. (I'm sorry Lord) I guess I have seen so many bad things happen in life, and I love him so very much, I just want to protect him. God is definitly growing me in this area. (or He's trying to at least!)

Well, I have almost finished my first sewing project. I made a pair of pajama bottoms. The instructor chose the pattern and we could make anything from it that we wanted. I thought I'd start with the pants. Now, I need to do another pair on my own at home and see if I can do it by myself. (doubtful!) :) I already have two other projects I want to do - a pr of throw pillows for my hair salon (to go on a rattan couch I have in there) and a valance for the window in my shop. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Well, I must go for now - I have laundry to finish and some sewing I need to work on too. I hope you have a blessed week.

2005-05-16T21:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess my Thursday nights are open again now that Survivor is over. They had the hardest challenges this year!! I really wanted to see Steph win, but when she got voted out then I kinda liked Ian and Tom. Then I started wanting Ian to win, just because Tom won everything - but I was ok with how it turned out. Now I only have American Idol to watch.

My mom and I took off for the big city today. (Indianapolis) She had a friend who had this cat that adopted him....then she had kittens.....8 KITTENS!!! So - after they were all weened, they took them to a mill that is close to my brother's house - only to find out they couldn't take them yet - their pen was not ready. So my mom took them home with her to try to tame them more. Now, I love kitties!!! But, I have two of my own and that is plenty. However, I did have fun going over and playing with them. They were so fun to watch. So, her and I started out today to take them back to the mill. She was meeting me at the car dealership, so I could drop my car off to have it looked at - making a funny noise. So by the time she picked me up - these 8 sweet little adorable kittens - had crapped all over the carryer they were in. Do you have any idea how long of a ride it is to Indy with cat crap in the air?!!! OH MY GOODNESS!! I guess it made it a little easier to part with them, huh?? lol

Then we went to eat lunch (not that we had much appetite) with my brother - and then on to shop shop shop. Now, my mom is almost 72 years old - but I tell you - this woman does some serious shopping. She wears me out! But we had fun, as always.

The bad part was, when I got back to town to pick up my car - I found the problem is still there. That is so aggravating. My husband and I noticed it was making a noise Sat. and I remembered I had hit a big chuck hole sometime recently. So when I called the dealership this morning - I told them about it. Then when I got to the dealership I remembered that for quite awhile it has had another problem - when I am on the highway going fast, if I put on the brakes, the steering wheel vibrates pretty good. So - they call me on my cell phone while I'm shopping and say the roters are worn and they need to turn them and could put on new brake pads. They say this is definitely the vibration problem and it should fix the other too. They said they would test drive it after doing that and make sure. So - they call me and say it's ready to go - so I go pay and get the keys and then go to eat with Mom. I come back after they are closed and while pulling out of the parking space - hear the same noise I took it in there to have fixed!!! How aggravating!! Here I thought I was getting off fairly well with only $146.00 in repairs - I wonder what and how much this noise repair will be. God is always working on me for patience. It is one virtue I need some work on.

Well - I think that's enough blogging for today. God bless!

Down To Three

2005-05-11T23:45:00.000-05:00

Well, it's down to 3!! Anthony finally went home and the top three remain.
Don't get me wrong, Anthony is a sweet kid who has overcome alot. It has been awesome to see him achieve so much - but to me, he is just not American Idol material. I think Bo will win because he is different from any previous contestants. But my personal favorite is Vonzell. She is beautiful, talented, sweet and genuine. Carri has an amazing voice, but she just doesn't have the star quality that Vozell has. But, that's just my opinion.

I had to miss the show last night because my son had his track conference. BUT... I recorded it and tonight, a friend came over and we watched the recording of last night and then went into watching the results of tonight's show. It was so much fun to have someone to watch it with. This girl can sing good enough to be on the show herself!! Then we got to talking and getting to know each other and before we knew it - it was after 11:30. It was a good evening. It also helped me to get my rear in gear and get my house presentable. We have been so busy and on the road so much, that my house has suffered. But having Betsy over was just the motivation I needed!! :) I think I've always worked better under pressure.

Well, friends, I must close for now - morning will come early.

Busy Busy Busy

2005-05-09T21:27:00.000-05:00

Wow - does time fly or is it just me? I seem to keep running out of time and can't get everything done. Having too much to do might be the problem. But I did find a couple hours to just relax yesterday (it was Mother's Day!) My mom lives on a small private lake of about 500 acres. My brother just bought a new boat - so after grilling steaks and pigging out - we went for a nice leisurely boat ride. It was great!

Today, however, back to the rat race. I had an appt this morning to get my hair done. Unfortunately I have a lot of gray genes and at only 39 yrs young, I have to have my hair colored to hide this fact. Then I got the oil changed in my car - only to find out that one of my tires only had 6lb of air pressure. I took it to the tire place - and they found a nail. I was so thankful that I had stopped to get the oil changed so they could find this before I headed out on the interstate. I had no idea!! Thank you Lord for protecting me!! Then off to visit my daughter. She was severely brain damaged at birth and lives in a special nursing home about 40 min from our home. There have been some problems at the nursing home and I found out one of the people I have come to love the most, lost her job there. I am so upset!! And I found out that a couple other good employees are leaving because of this. I had to just be honest with God and tell him I was feeling pretty confused about all this. I know He is in control, but frankly, things are looking a little scarey right now. I do know He will work it all out - but it's the "until then" that worries me. So, if anyone reads this who believes in the power of prayer, please pray for God to replace all those who are gone or leaving with kind, loving, competent workers. And for me to have wisdom to do the right thing with all that is going on. (He'll know what you're talking about) Thank you.

One more thing to share. Last night my friend called and left a frantic message on my cell phone. Her 4 yr old neice had fallen and had such a jar from the fall that she quit breathing and was unconscience. They heard a loud crack when she fell and my friend, Lisa, was so scared. She asked for me to please call the prayer chain from our church and get the prayers going up for her. I did that and also called a couple other people to get her put on their prayer chains. Lisa called me later and said they could not find anything broken or injured after doing an X-ray and MRI. She quickly recognized the power of prayer and gave God all the praise. We do serve an awesome God. Nite!

Entering Blog Land

2005-05-07T23:26:00.000-05:00

Today while posting my comments on another blog site I was asked why I didn't have my own blog. Frankly - I had never considered it. I was first introduced to blogging when our minister's son went oversees and sent us his blogsite. I had never heard of blogging before this. Then my next experience came with the Terri Shiavo case. I visited her blog several times a day. Recently I have been visiting Stephen Bennett's blogsite. This is where someone inquired as to why I didn't have my own blogspot. I guess this person wanted to see what I was all about since I had posted some comments on Stephen's blog. Well - now I have officially claimed my own piece of blog land. Ta Da!!

Today was the most beautiful day. Sunny and 80 degrees. I got to spend some time outside planting flowers and weeding some of our landscaping beds. We made the big mistake of letting things go last fall and boy does my back hurt!! It's a hairdresser thing. Doesn't help that I'm tall and have very weak stomach muscles. Having kids really destroyed my stomach. But it was a good trade. :)

Well - this is all for tonight. I will post more tomorrow. May God be the Light in your life.